Way Wedding

Angelina Jolie Girl Interrupted Level Crazy

The fact that I hadn't heard from Gerard in roughly 7 hours made the hair on my neck stand on end. I had tried laying in bed, pacing the bus, playing video games with the guys, and writing. None of these things made the time between our down time and sound check any more bearable. I just wanted to hear us voice, tell
him I loved him and lay down for a nap but without the first two things on my list it was impossible. The anxiety in my chest begging for a Xanax that I refused to give it. Compromising with myself to call him one more time and retire outside to sample a cigarette and then walk the smell off I pulled my phone out of my pocket and found the contact that read "Mr.Way 💋". Pressing the phone to my ear the rings never came, instead I was met with the same boring voicemail message that was making my heart race.

"Hey, thanks for calling Gerard Way. Because well that's me. Leave your name and number I'll give you call back when I decide to pay attention to this device."

I hated that fucking greeting, it was the only way I could hear his voice, and it was so empty. All I wanted was a text from him. An update to how court had gone, and when or if he was coming back to me. That's all I fucking wanted. Panic and fear snaked itself around me as I began to fear I had actually lost him. That this custody situation had been the last straw and for the millionth time I had been left. Only this time I had been left with nothing to grasp onto to pull myself out of the emotional hole I was bound to fall into. I didn't have Jamia, the kids where too young, I had few friends to speak of, and his ring was beginning to burn a scar into my finger. This ring made out of Elena's silver meant so much more than the band I had worn years ago. The one that meant empty promises, and had met its demise over a bridge long ago. Now this thing was going to hold me to him forever just praying, hoping, and begging the universe in the most embarrassing of ways to just let me have true happiness for once in my life. Throwing my back up of the bed ignoring the way it aches from all of the flouncing I had done today I grabbed my pack of American Spirits, my lighter, and I took off. Ignoring the questioning states of my band mates, ignoring the temperature  outside as I shivered in the cool air, and I walked. I walked without lighting a cancer stick just feeling the cold sink into my body as a self destructive ploy to punish myself. The same way as taking a shower much too hot that it leaves your skin red and sore to the touch. I waited for the cold to settle into my fingers before I pulled the pack out of my pocket and tossing myself down into a curb in front of a fast food restaurant. My brain in ignorant bliss to the buzzing cars around me I inhaled pulling the smoke deep into my  lungs savoring the quiet it brought. Butting out the paraphernalia, I pulled another out of the pack admitting defeat and starting my way back to the bus. Cars raced by me as my mind continued to work. Breaking down any piece of happiness self sabotaging it into rubble, as my warped mind attempted to come to terms with the reality that I was no longer a star in his sky. That Lindsay had gotten her way once more, and I could see her smile taunting me. As if she was standing over my dead body still kicking the life out of me with her victory. She would always find a way to make him hers, and bandit was the key. Reaching the bus finally I peered down at my watch counting the hours to when I could forget everything and scream away my feelings in stage and then have a full scale adrenaline crash and sleep for 12 hours before doing it all again for the rest of this tour until I had to come to terms with the fact that I would go home empty. I would go home and have to rebuild my life from the foundation, and earn an I told you so from anyone that ever doubted the success in Gerard and I. Climbing the steps onto the bus I pulled a mask on in a last ditch effort to convince the guys that I wasn't losing my shit in the most literal of ways. Closing the door behind me I was met with an empty bus that if I had been 10 years younger, and 10 years less wise I would have trashed just for the fuck of it. Pulling a bottle of water out of the fridge I headed to the back room that instantly felt different from the way I had left it. There was a drawer open, and the pillows littered all over the bed arranged in a way that only one person could find comfortable. My head began to spin as I tried to reason with myself. Taking deep breathes to reverse the negative thoughts that had been coursing in my brain for the last hours, I swallowed audibly.

"Gerard?" I questioned shakily looking for him everywhere coming up empty handed and discouraged as I fell backwards down on the bed and buried my face in my hands. The fear of going completely crazy was catching up with me. I had officially gone Angelina Jolie Girl Interrupted crazy, and that was a level of insane that even I wasn't comfortable with. Groaning audibly throughout the bus I laid backwards and contemplated having another cigarette. My hand snaked down my body and shoved itself deep into my pocket pulling out the much needed supplies. Ignoring the gut feeling that told me to crack a window I lit one anyway. Inhaling with my lungs flat against the mattress that felt much too hard all of the sudden. My back lurched upwards, ears flooding with blood, eyes burning , head spinning kind of sitting up. My eyes were so hazy that I almost thought I was imagining my lovely fiancee standing there one arm in the door way looped so casually, another thing that i'd never be able to do. His lips curled up into his famous Gerard smile, and as his mouth opened to show his toothy smile I lost it and flung myself into his arms. I didn't care if it was a goodbye fuck, I needed one more thing to remember him by. Something besides the silver on my ring finger and a hole in my chest. 

"Heya Sugar." he smiled looking down once at the cigarette in my hand but quickly trailing them back up to meet mine. In a way that he could only make look this sexy. The things this man could do to me I internally groaned, secretly hating him for making me such a sexual beast. Standing to my feet my eyes welled up completely forgetting about the cigarette in my hand and throwing my arms around his neck as I stretched tip toes and all to dos so. His laughs erupting in his chest sending the sweet vibrations of love through my body. Leaving me insane, but more at peace than I had been in a long time. "Uh.. Frankie honey lets put the cigarette out if you're gonna attack me." he added with chuckle filled speech. Ripping my arms away from him careful not to light his overgrown hair or tattered grey beanie on fire. Turning to drop the butt in a half drank coffee mug that had been brought to me by one of the guys at some point in the day. Most likely in a form of cheering up that i'm sure they knew I needed. 

"I'm sorry." I almost whimpered coming back toward him slowly with a submissive glare. Walking back up toe to toe he looked down at me with the eyes he had left with, but with an added twinkle that I couldn't place. "What happened at..." I spoke quickly without stuttered as Gerard's arm reached forward to wrap around my waist making my mind twist up in worry that he was here to say goodbye. 

"Well you see Frankie, baby, sweetheart, darling, love of my life." he paused to take a breath leaning down to kiss my cheek. "It seems to be a girl, 7 years old, has killer taste in super heroes, and from what I hear has a pretty hot dad." He winked with a smile that I was afraid I would never get to see again. My heart swooned for the love I had for this man making me insane, but more alive than I had ever felt. 

"Full custody?" I asked excitedly stepping up onto my tiptoes to almost reach his lips. He nodded meeting my stance and laying his lips on mine as my arms pulled up on his neck and his hands wrapped around my hips pulling me up and with my legs around his waist. the closeness sending an instant shock through me and a shutter straight through my dick. "I love you." I breathed into an awkward between kiss breath as he crashed his lips back to mine exploring my mouth with his tongue and turning around and backing us back into the bed. My back met the mattress as it molded around me and I swore the world gained color again. As his lips pulled away from mine, his right hand reaching up to cup my cheek and gently run his thumb over it.

"I love you more." he smiled laying down on the bed and pulling me up to him so that I could curl up into his chest, and there I laid until last call for soundcheck listening to his heartbeat and feeling how it almost matched mine, only mine was a little bit faster. The anxiety of potential loss, and the intense need for a cigarette. The last instance I ignored being too happy in my current state to ever be able to justify leaving it.