Not What You Expected

Hot Pocket Recovery

"Knock knock?" Caitlin tapped on the doorway to Cisco's workshop, a small frown on her face as she peered inside, finding it quiet and seemingly empty. "Cisco?" she called, stepping inside curiously, second guessing her memory of seeing him on the Star Labs security feed a few minutes ago.

"Caitlin," Cisco called back to her from the hallway, making her jump slightly in surprise.

"I thought you were in here," she sighed with a smile, "why did you sneak up on me like that!"

"I didn't mean to," Cisco replied with a shrug, "I was just microwaving my last hot pocket, I didn't know you were looking for me," he held up his snack as evidence, "did you need something?"

Caitlin shook her head, "No, not really," she answered hesitantly, "I just wanted to...check on you."

Cisco stopped mid bite of his hot pocket, glancing up at her carefully, "Check on me?" he repeated, moving past her to set his snack on his desk, "check on me why?" he asked, though he already knew the answer, he was just hoping to avoid the impending conversation.

Caitlin sighed, she knew how Cisco's avoidance tactics worked, but she couldn't let this slide. "Cisco, it's been a three weeks since Kendra left, and I know you said you were fine, but-"

"But nothing Caitlin," Cisco cut her off calmly, "I said I'm fine and I am, these things happen, me and Kendra didn't work out, it's not a big deal." He sat in his desk chair, opening a random drawer in an attempt to look busy, hoping it would put Caitlin off pushing the matter; but Caitlin knew him better than that.

"Cisco, we have been friends far too long, and have been through far too much for you to be able to lie to me," Caitlin announced sternly, "especially since you're barely even trying to!"

Cisco stopped rummaging in his drawer, clenching his jaw for a moment as he turned to Caitlin, "Fine," he conceded, shutting the drawer as he sat up, "I'm upset, ya got me, but I still don't want to talk about it, so can we...y'know, not?"

Caitlin gave him a sympathetic look, her mouth scrunching up as she slowly moved to his side, "I know you don't want to talk about it, no one ever does," she sat on the corner of his desk, carefully lifting his hand to hold in her lap, "but thats the thing about talking, if we don't share our feelings they get stuck inside us, and then we get stuck with them, and we stop talking about more things, and pretty soon you're working in a completely different lab without your best friends and ignoring texts because you're too scared and sad to face them."

Cisco quirked one eyebrow up at her, wrapping his hand in her lap around hers, "Are we talking about me here, or you?" he asked, the hint of a smile tugging at his lips as he gave her hand a squeeze.

"Both," Caitlin replied honestly, looking down at her knees, "I know you said you've forgiven me for abandoning you, but I still feel bad about it," she shrugged, bringing her other hand up to fiddle with his thumb, "but this is mostly about you," she amended, giving his hand a squeeze, "Kendra was the first girl you've liked since Amy, and I know you don't want to think about that, but I just wanted to make sure you know there's nothing wrong with you...these...these things that keep happening to us, they're flukes, it's not because you're broken or un-loveable that Amy is gone and Kendra left, it's just...this new weird multiverse just messing with us."

Cisco stared up at her as she spoke, a tightness growing in his chest as he listened to her, watching the crinkle in her forehead come and go as she struggled to find the right words to say to him. He really loved Caitlin, she was one of the sweetest people he knew, and after everything that had happened between them, everything they'd lost, she decided to come down to his workshop just to make sure he knew that he deserved to be loved? If that wasn't friendship goals, he didn't know what was.

"Cait," he said once she'd finished, standing so that he could look her more directly in the eyes, "I know it's not my fault that Amy is gone, and Kendra left," he took both her hands in his, holding them up to his chest as he smiled at her softly, "I know that theres nothing wrong with me, unless you count being super bummed that my love life sucks," they shared a chuckle as he continued, "and most importantly, I know that you care about me, and wanted to make sure I wasn't drowning in my own tears or whatever after what happened; but Caitlin, when I said I didn't want to talk about it, it wasn't because I wanna bottle up my emotions and wallow in them, it's because I was already starting to forget about Kendra dumping me, and I didn't want to be reminded of it already."

Caitlin blinked at him owlishly, "Wait...seriously?" she asked, "it was only three weeks ago-"

"It was a whole three weeks ago," Cisco corrected, "an entire twenty one days, most of a month in fact!" his smile grew as he continued explaining, "look, Kendra was great and all, but she wasn't the love of my life or anything, and if she wants to go off and live with her four thousand year old soul mate then who am I to stop her?"

Caitlin frowned in confusion, "But you really liked her -!"

"I also really like you," he cut her off again, tapping her on the nose, "come on Cait, I'm young, single, and alive, dating Kendra was fun, y'know minus the whole ancient murderous stalker thing," he shrugged putting his hands on her shoulders, "but I wasn't in love with her, I sort of barely knew her come to think of it, so I'm not going to waste time anguishing over what could have been if she'd stuck around alright?" his smile saddened almost imperceptively as he added, "I already wasted enough time doing that over Amy."

Caitlin pouted at him softly, "Well...now I feel silly," she mumbled awkwardly, "why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

"I tried," Cisco replied with a laugh, "I said I didn't want to talk about it."

"Yeah but I thought that was because you were sad, not because you were already moving on!" Caitlin cried, laughing herself at how serious she'd felt when she'd come down.

"Well I didn't want to sound like a dick, its not my fault you're such a good friend."

Caitlin shook her head, "Well I'm so sorry I'm such a good friend, forgive me for wanting to be sure you were ok," she teased sarcastically, "next time I'll just let you wallow."

Cisco laughed, "That's what I like to hear," he pulled her in for a hug, "now what do you say we go get something to eat, and talk about happy stuff, hm?"

"What about your hot pocket?" Caitlin asked as they broke apart.

Cisco shrugged, "I'll give it to Harry, he steals them anyway, why do you think this one is the last one?"

Caitlin laughed at that, and Cisco felt the sound ripple through him, warming his soul as he smiled back at her, a real genuine smile. If he were honest, the day Kendra had left, he had very nearly fallen back into the feeling of emptiness that had almost consumed him after he lost Amy; he felt himself teetering over the edge of that dark abyss, but this time at least he could see it, and after a few days of feeling sad about it, he was able to step back and remember himself again. He had really liked Kendra, he had hope to have some sort of future with her, even if their first date had been a battle to plan, but he wasn't going to latch himself on to the first person to be willing to date him like some desperate love starved schmuck. He'd moved on from Amy, and that made moving on from Kendra feel...well, as easy as microwaving his hot pocket.