A Boy's Story

Hold on~ BOOK TWO: UNSCHEDULED CHANGES

Two weeks passed since my birthday, and every day I get more and more tense. Summer will be over in a matter of weeks... Nothing will be the same then. Especially since, now; Josh and I are starting to have a sex life. Starting though... We've done it three times, so I don't really know what else to expect.

My life has sort of...changed since I first had sex with Josh, but the second time was sort of the deal breaker.  I can't say how much my life really changed because...well because it only did in my mind. It's kind of hard to explain.

I'm afraid to check a calendar to see how much of my summer I had left, for fear it would just ruin any more fun I had left. As far as Jake and Justin have come, they are just like Josh and I. Falling in love. Now I see why he was always so... blah whenever Josh and I were around him. It was a bit uncomfortable and awkward when they were always cuddling and kissing. I just hoped they didn't get their asses kicked by homophobic's. It hasn't happened to me yet but I feel it creeping up on me. Jessica will have told everyone by the beginning of the new school year. So I'm gonna have a rough year. But it's worth it. Being seventeen...I feel older...but that could just be because now that I've crossed my physical lines...it won't be hard to cross them again. I'm glad, though, that we don't have to worry about pregnancy. Some people might wonder why we use condoms then, but that's just so we don't make a mess and obviously STDs... Though it didn't seem to work the first time... Oh well.

I can't just be so peachy all the time though. I still have a whole life ahead of me...and when I think about it...if I stay with Josh then it will be a thousand time's harder than a normal life. So many disapproving people and...murderers...

The fact that people would be willing to kill me just because I fell in love with Josh is just so nauseating. It makes me want to question my place in this world. If people think I'm an abomination in the eyes' of God, or a disgusting fag that didn't deserve to live, then why am I here? Why did God make me the way I am? And why did the universe bring this heavenly boy to me if it didn't want me to fall deeply, and madly in love with him? I don't know. And I fear I never will. Thinking like that for a couple of months has given me a new perspective. I'm not embracing something else, religiously though. I'm an atheist. I just wish the world would see through my eyes. I wish the world could see that what I'm doing is not a violation to nature. I can't help it...I don't want to either. I feel sorry for anyone who hasn't felt what I have felt. I've felt something so magnificent...so wonderful...I guess no one will ever get it. Except for the people out there who care. Who want to listen to my story. Who have fallen in love themselves. Or the people who haven't! The one's who want to know what love feels like. Well here's what if feels like...

It feels like...like their you're only reason for existence. Like you would do anything humanly possible for this one person. That not just life... and hope is the only thing keeping you alive... it's this person. You wonder how someone so incredible can be in your life. How special it feels that you had a chance to know them. That you are able to share something so vivid and...insane...with them. Insane yes. You don't just fall in love... you get shoved into it... violently as matter of fact. People hardly ever get the chance to fall in love. Whether it's another person...lying...killing...stealing...or just moving away...you still love them. When love is true, it never goes away. Even if this person is a horrible person. Who cheats, lies, and doesn't know what's good for them...you still love them. And you can never help it. But this is rare.

People say that we fall in love multiple times in our lives, and we do. But only few people in the world know what true love feels like. Remember...there is a whole world out there. And your soul mate could be as far away from you as possible. You could never meet them...and soon settle for someone else. You think you love them, and you probably do...but never as much as that one person out there.