Body Image

No Role Models

Chris
As we drove back to the extended stay we called home, something hit me.

" Aye Brook?"
"Yea?"
"I think we should drop out of school.."

"What! Why?! We only have a couple months left in the semester. If we talk to the school and get tutors we can catch up and be on track again. Then we could -" I cut her off.

"Brook I don't know if you've realized it yet but we have a baby to raise and I don't need you to lose it because you're stressed out with homework and shit. I have a family i need to support now. It's time to be an adult baby. School can wait." I pulled into the parking lot and turned of the car, still sitting waiting for her reply.

"Whatever Christopher, do what you want. I'm going to school," she snatched the keys, grabbed her stuff and slammed my car door before rushing inside.

She' was starting to piss me off so I sat in the car for a while before joining her inside.

"Brooklyn you're really over reacting right now. "

"Over reacting? OVER REACTING?! Chris I'm 19 years old and pregnant! We are damn near staying in a stank ass motel! We are broke as fuck! We only have food in the fridge to last us about two weeks, we put the rest of the money in the bank for gas and rent  and you wanna drop out?! We can't do shit in life without a high school diploma Chris and I'll be damned if I stay with someone who is ok with being a bum!"

Brooklyn
I knew me words cut deep but at this moment I didn't care. What was he thinking? He honestly thought I would be ok with dropping out of school? He must be Crazy.

Chris stood shocked.
Chris

"Damn... that's how you feel huh? You really gon call me a bum when we both homeless? You're mother put you out and I left mine so we could start a life together. I'm sacrificing my dreams for you and you call me a bum?! You're complaining about where we live but not realizing that this is life now! Grow the fuck up and take shit for what it is! Everything in life ain't gon be pretty and nothing is guaranteed but I can promise you this, if you lose that baby, you'll lose me too, and I mean that. " I gathered the covers off the bed we don't use and stormed outside.

"Where are you going?!"

"I'm sleeping in the car, since you don't stay with bums," I slammed the door and stormed out.
I can't believe she called me a bum. Lord knows I don't want to leave school but I need to focus on fixing the biggest problem we have, being broke. I want to be able to support not only brook and the baby but myself. But if she can't see that then fine. I'll stay in this car and live out of it for as long as I have to.

That Night

Brooklyn

I stood in the shower contemplating everything that Chris had said. He was right. I need to grow up and realize that my life is finally starting and I have to make the best of it. But I still didn't want to drop out. I knew that i could finish school if I was determined and stayed focused. Im just scared. Scared of failure and letting myself down. I wanna create the best life for my child and I want Chris to be in my life as well. Damn.

I finished washing then turned off the water. After drying off I put on my pajamas and stepped outside in the cold night air. I needed to apologize.

I tapped on the window of the car, slightly startling Chris. He opened the car door and stepped out.

"It's cold out here, go back inside."

I ignored what he said and went to the other side of the car and sat inside. "No I want to talk."

He rolled his eyes and passed me the cover he had over himself before he had gotten out the car. I looked around the car and examined the little house he had made in the car. He has his jacket balled up into a pillow since the pillows inside were too hard, he has a sheet over the backseat and a bag of clothes that we still hadn't unpacked. I felt even worse than I already did.

"Look Chris I'm sorry for calling you a bum. I know you're just trying to do the best with what we have and if you feel like dropping out then I support your decision. I still don't want to drop out because I feel like I can finish...." tears got caught in my throat as tears rolled down my cheeks. "But I'm scared...I'm so scared. I just want to be happy in life and live comfortable. I just wanna be free from hurt baby..."

He pulled me into his chest and rubbed my back. "Brook stop crying. You think I'm not scared too? I'm taking on a responsibility that most wouldn't and I'm ok with that. Ill support you while you go back to school but I just don't want you to stress yourself out worrying about homework and wondering how we are gonna eat. So I'm gonna get a job and provide for us. I've got you. I've got us. I promise."

After sitting in the car for a while, we went back into our home. He tucked me in bed before heading into the shower.

After dozing off I felt his strong arms wrap around me. It felt good to know that i was going to be secured, physically and financially by Chris.

With him, I knew everything was gonna be alright.