Love Lessons

Chapter Twenty One: Please forgive Me I was Dumb

Chapter Twenty One| Cole

                             ~*~do you ever really know what you got until its gone~*~

                After I had gotten back with Jess, I knew I had to talk to Tyler. Jess made me feel guilty about the way Tyler looked when we left, so I figured I should probably tell him I did not care where his dick was going. I wasn’t sure exactly what I should say, or what the big deal was. I mean, sure, coming out was probably not the easiest thing to do, especially in college when you’re one of the best jocks on the basketball team. However, I did not care, he liked Jerry and clearly, they were happy, and that’s all that mattered.

                I made sure Jess had gotten back into dorm okay and slowly let myself inside of mine. Unlike this morning, the room was spotless and Tyler was dressed. He was pacing around the room and when I entered, he froze like a deer in headlights. I set my wallet on my desk and plopped down on the futon. Tyler just stared at me and I was unsure of what I was supposed to do so I motioned for him to sit down next to me.

                Tyler was shaking next to me and my heart sunk. I wasn’t trying to seem like a douche or be cocky about the situation we were in, but I wanted him to talk to me. I wanted him to be able to admit that he’s gay and not be afraid. He shouldn’t be afraid, and it disgusted me to think that he felt ashamed to admit who he is.

                “So, is there anything you want to tell me?” I asked him. I watched as he nervously rubbed his hands against his jeans and looked down at the ground. He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. His back trembled and I heard a sob escape him, something I was not prepared for. He wiped his eyes angrily and bit his lip to keep him from crying.

                “I love him.” Then he started crying all over again. When Tyler had finally calmed down, he started talking and didn’t stop.

                “Jerry and I met in basketball, and you know, he became my best friend. We’d hang out and go to all these parties together and I don’t know, we just spent all this time together. I thought I just liked him as a best friend or something, I knew it was different from back home, but I didn’t know why. I started doing things to impress him, to make sure I had his attention all the time. I really wanted his approval and he didn’t seem to mind. Then we got really drunk at a party and I don’t know, we, uh kissed.” He choked out. Tyler took a deep breath before continuing.

                “I was ashamed after that and thought that he was going to kill me. Who wouldn’t? I avoided him for days until he finally forced me to talk to him and told me it was okay. We started hanging out even more and doing more than just friendly activities. We tried for a relationship but it got screwed up at the last party and I knew then that I wanted to be with him.” He said quietly.

                “I’m gay.” He said so quietly I almost missed it. His voice was shaking and I knew this had to be the first time he was admitting it aloud to not only himself but also me.

                “I know.” I said, rubbing his back. He looked at me, giving me a confused stare through his tears.

                “What?” He hiccupped, looking at me with wide eyes.

                “Well, Tyler, if you didn’t think I assumed you were gay after what I witnessed this morning, you must really be clouded with love.” I smiled. “I knew for a while.” I finally admitted.

                “What? How?” He asked, sitting up straighter.

                “You were very quiet about the person you were seeing, and you wouldn’t admit you were seeing anyone when I asked. When you had gotten in that fight with Jerry, it was obvious it was more than just a friendship between you two. Jess overheard some things and we confirmed our suspicions when you guys met at the park that night.”