Our Rebel Love Song

4-Trust Is What You Need

I was getting ready to go to to Ashley’s house. My parents went out so I didn’t have to explain to them where I was going. I slipped on my black skinny jeans with my studded belt and then put on my favorite Misfits shirt and straightened my hair. My nerves were really acting up and I started to think the craziest things. I just stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. What if he set this all up and he’s going to have a whole bunch of kids throw ice water in my face? What if he’s going to humiliate me in front of everyone? And tell them all that I’m gay? I shook my head.

“Okay Andy. Get yourself together and stop talking crazy.”I took in a breath and walked to the front porch where sat on the steps and waited for a few minutes. I lit a cigarette and watched some little kids play basketball down the street. That brings back memories. It calmed me down. A lot.

I watched Ashley’s old car pull into my driveway. I waited for the car to stop before I hopped up and dropped my cigarette on the ground and squished it. I walked into the driveway and got into his car as quickly as I could. My nerves were acting up again. He gave me a warm smile.

“Hey, babe.” I stayed quiet. “Are you okay?” he asked me. I nodded and gave him a fake smile.

“Yeah. Yeah, just, uh, nervous.” He held my hand.

“Why?” I shrugged.

“It’s just.....Did you tell anyone about us?” He laughed.

“That’s why you’re so nervous? Because you thought that I told someone about us? Don’t be so nervous about it, Andy. You’ll be fine. You’re only going to me house.” We smiled at each other. That didn’t help me at all because now I need to figure out if he’s told anyone or if anyone’s going to be at his house. So much for that.

I walked behind Ash into his house. Then I heard something dreadful. A girl. She was screaming as she ran over to Ashley and hugged him.

“I missed you so much Ash. I haven’t seen you since yesterday.You shouldn’t have stayed at your stupid friend’s house last night” He chuckled and hugged her back.

“I missed you, too, Tora.” He kissed her on the forehead. I just awkwardly stood by the door watching them converse and be happy with each other. I wasn’t sure how to feel. Then she looked at me and I got butterflies in my stomach. I didn’t want to talk to her. She opened her arms and walked towards me to give me a hug.

“You must be Andy!” she happily called to me.

I just stood there while she hugged me.

“You told her about us?” I mouthed to Ash. He shrugged.

“I had to!” he mouthed back. I rolled my eyes.

“Omg! Ash talks about you so much!” She told me as she stood in front of me. I checked her out. She was just like me. The skinny jeans. The black hair with the colourful highlights. She was beautiful, but short. I’d say about 5’3”, 5’4”even. She had the most beautiful eyes, but I could tell that they were contacts because they were an unnatural blue. I smiled at her. She seemed very nice. Energetic, indeed.

“It is just so cute seeing Ash in a relationship.” she said as she put her hands over her heart and nodded her head. “So cute.” she whispered. I couldn’t help but laugh at that. I never really saw relationships as very cute. Ash stood there with his arms crossed, smiling. It’s like he was saying I know you feel awkward around her, but I’m not helping you out with this. You’re gonna have to get to know her whether you like it or not.

“Thanks.” I told her. She just stared at me with a curious look on her face.

“You seem very awkward, Andy.” Holy shit! Way to make the place less awkward.

“I-I just.....It’s just that I don’t really talk to other people. I’m not friends with many people.” she nodded and thought.

“Hmm...Why not? You seem so cool. I love your hair, too.” she said as she touched my hair. “It’s soft.” she laughed and then walked into the kitchen. I stood next to Ashley and he put his arm around my waist.

“Awwwwwwwwwww.” she said as the took out a bowl and some cereal. “You two should just kiss. Just kiss already.” she told us. So we gladly did as she requested. She covered her mouth and squealed.

“It’s just too much, Ash. You two are officially the cutest couple ever!” She said before pouring the cereal in the bowl and dumping in some milk. “Which makes me wonder why you two won’t just come out.” she sat down at the table and we sat with her.

“So Andy. You never answered my question. Why wouldn’t a cool guy like you have friends? I mean look at Ash.” she pointed at him with her spoon, “He dresses just like you and stuff and he’s pretty popular at his school.” I shrugged.

“It’s mostly because of how I look. I’m really quiet and people don’t like the type of music I listen to. So I get bullied for that and I’m not very trusting of other people.” She smiled at me.

“Oh you can trust me. Ask Ash. He’s been telling me all of his secrets for years! We tell each other our secrets. We’re really close. So you can trust me with anything.” Ash laughed.

“Can’t go an hour without trying to force him to tell you all of his deepest, darkest secrets, can you?” he asked. She shrugged.

“It’s just who I am.” she remarked. He nodded.

“So have you told anyone about you and Ash yet?” She pushed her bowl aside. I shook my head.

“No. I don’t trust anyone enough.” she cocked her head to the side with confusion.

“What? You must have someone. Your parents, a friend? You say that you have no friends but you must have some.” I shrugged.

“Well I do have one friend. His name is Dylan and he’s my best friend, but I just can’t tell him for some reason.” Ash looked at me kind of angry.

“What? You haven’t told your best friend about us? Your best friend? Are you ashamed of our relationship or something? So ashamed that you can’t even tell your own best friend, Andy? I don’t even care anymore. I’ll tell the whole world about us if I have to because you’re starting to piss me off” That really made me sad knowing that he was mad at me. I didn’t know that he really cared about it.

“I’m sorry, Ash. I’m just not ready to come out of the closet to anyone else yet.” I quietly spoke.

“Then when will you ever be ready because I’m losing my patience with you! If you’re not why are we even dating?” He got up and we watched him stomp upstairs and heard a door slam. I looked at Tora with tears in my eyes and she shrugged at me.

“He has a short temper. Don’t worry about it. He’s just sensitive when it comes to relationships. He’s never been able to really trust people and he’s been cheated on a lot. So it’s hard for him to go back into a relationship, but he really likes you, Andy. Maybe you should think about telling someone else. Anyone. It would make Ash feel a lot better. He thinks that you’re ashamed of your relationship and he’s having a hard time with that.” I didn’t realize that.

“Really?” she nodded and sat next to me.

“Remember. I know everything about him. He is my older brother after all! I’m surprised that he reacted like that because he usually suppresses all of his emotions. ” I smiled at her. I understood where he was coming from now.

“Maybe I should leave.” She frowned.

“Why?” she pouted.

“Because I need to get ready to see Dylan tomorrow. I have a big thing to tell him tomorrow.” She nodded.

“Okay! Well I hope that it all goes well! You’ll be thankful that you told him when you do. I promise.” I smiled at her and she walked me out.

“Do you want me to walk you home?” I shook my head.

“You don’t really have to do that. I’ll just run home.” She nodded.

“Are you sure?” I nodded. She patted my back. “Okay. Don’t get mobbed!” we laughed and she walked back inside. I started walking home.