Sex & Sentiments Part Two// Ashton Irwin

Cheerleading & Changes

I hadn't been able to get out of seeing a therapist this time. My parents decided I had no choice in the matter, and that what I had been through meant it was time I spoke to someone. Especially since I wouldn't talk to them.

I had been in the waiting room for less than ten minutes when a tall, blonde woman wearing thick framed glasses called me into her office.

"Hi Lucinda," She smiled at me, as I took my seat on the couch opposite her.

"Indie."

"Oh, sorry--" she said politely, "Indie," She corrected herself, while taking out a notepad and pen.

"I'm Amanda," she informed me, "So from what I hear, you've been through some pretty traumatic things recently."

"I was drugged, and I lost my baby." I said plainly. I wasn't going to beat around the bush, I wasn't going to make small talk, I wasn't going to be my therapists new best friend. If this is why I was here, I was going to talk about it. The sooner I spoke about it, the sooner I could stop talking about it.

She scribbled some things onto her notepad, before making eye contact with me again, "How far along were you?"

"About 6 weeks." I told her, before fiddling with my own hands. I know I wanted to get this over with, but talking about it was a lot harder then I had anticipated.

"It's certainly very difficult," She continued, "Losing a child.."

"You know what." I said suddenly, and standing up quickly, " I can't do this. I thought I was ready to talk about it, and my parents were very insistent on this, but I can't.."

I walked out of the room before she could say anything else.

I did want to get it over with. I wanted to forget everything. Everyone kept telling me the only way I would be able to come to terms with it is by talking about it. But I still wasn't ready. I wasn't sure I ever would be.

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By the time I got back to school, it seemed as though everyone had found out about my little situation. Apparently a few of the party goers from Luke's house had overheard someone saying I was pregnant as I was put into the ambulance, and it didn't take much longer for people to find out I had lost the baby.

I made my way down the school corridor with Emily. Everyone's eyes were on me as I made my way to my locker. I hated this. I hated being the centre of attention. I wished everyone would just stop. I was having a difficult enough time as it was without their judgements. But, this was high school.. and no one escapes unscathed.

"Oh my god Lucy." I heard the obnoxious sounds of Lana coming towards me, "Um, could you like.. leave?" She said to Emily.

Emily gave me a look, as if asking if I wanted her to stay. I gave her a small nod indicating it was okay.

"I'll see you in art class," She told me as she walked away.

"You don't have to be so rude to her.." I told Lana angrily.

"Um, can you just chill for a sec.. I know you have some issues going on right now, but you need to get over them. We have cheer finals coming up soon, and you need to get back in shape.."

"Lana--"

"I mean," She interrupted me, "It's so lucky you lost that baby.. fat cheerleaders are so tragic, and like, your life would totally have been ruined.."

I was at a loss for words. I stood staring at her, mouth hanging open. Almost unable to process just how insensitive and clueless someone could actually be.

"Are you fucking serious?!" I half screamed at her.

"What?" She asked, completely oblivious to how insensitive she was being right now.

"You know what Lana," I said, shaking my head, "Fuck you. Fuck you, and your cheer squad, and your cheer uniform and all your little cheer friends. Fuck you all."

I slammed my locker, and began to walk away.

"Are you seriously quitting the cheer squad?" She yelled back at me.

I turned to face her, walking backwards towards art class to meet Emily, and decided to hold up both my middle fingers in Lana's direction. The look on her face made me incredibly satisfied.

It was a small victory, but it brought a smile to my face.

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By the time I got to English, it seemed as though I was all anyone could talk about. As I walked into the classroom, almost every pair of eyes were set straight on me.

"Don't you have enough to deal with in your own lives instead of focusing on me?" I said walking over to the one person who wasn't staring at me. But not without hearing a few bitchy comments from Lana and Paige's direction.

"Hey," Ashton said casually as I took my seat beside him.

Thankfully everyone had gone back to their own conversations now.

"Hi." I said, resting my head in my hands feeling like I wanted to cry again, but never giving in.

I felt Ashton's hand rest on the top of my thigh. There was nothing sexual or passionate about it. He was trying to comfort me in the only way he could think of, and for a moment, it made me feel better.

I took my own hand and placed it on top of his, lacing our fingers together.

It had been ten minutes since class was supposed to begin, and Witty still hadn't turned up, My fingers were still laced in Ashton's and we had been sitting in a comfortable silence.

He leaned into my ear.

"Let's ditch." He said.

I didn't even think twice before grabbing my own bag, and pulling him up with me.

Everyone's eyes flew back to Ashton and I as we made our way out of the classroom. I noticed Lana roll her eyes at me. Ashton just smiled at her and waved. It made me laugh. I think it was the first time I had laughed in a long time.

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"Welcome back Archer," Ashton said as I got into the passenger seat in his car.

My heart was racing and full of adrenaline. I hadn't felt this much like.. me in such a long time.

"It's good to be back." I told him, letting myself smile for a moment.

"So," He said, starting his car, and taking off from the school parking lot, "No more cheerleading"

"No more cheerleading." I repeated, "I really hated that uniform."

He smiled at me.

"Ashton?" I said after a moment.

'Yeah?"

"I'm going through a lot right now, and you've been so great.. But, I need to be on my own for a while.." I wasn't sure how it sounded. But the truth was, I wasn't ready to jump into anything at the moment, no matter who it was with.

He laced his fingers with mine for a moment.

"I get it," He said, "I'm always going to be here for you though.. I promise."

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