Perpetuity (August Alsina)

Chapter 21: Every Rose Needs The Rain

Chapter 21

Every Rose Needs The Rain
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Jewels

I sat in Asaad's car anxiously bouncing my knee up and down just anticipating getting to the apartment complex. I've been silent between the loud talk of him and Loren going through the car. I'm glad they're talking so maybe that'll take the attention off of me. It's like everything has been taking forever to get here but at the same time it's all happening so fast and I don't know how to feel.

Asaad turned into what is soon to be my new apartment complex, where my first ever apartment will be all mine if things go right. He pulled into a parking spot just feet down from where my complex door was, and parked. Once the car stopped, he and Loren took their seatbelts off ready to get out but I sat exactly in my spot not even flinching a little bit. I didn't move, didn't blink, just sat right there scared as hell to get up for some reason.

I felt Loren lean forward and tap my shoulder before speaking. "Uhm Jewels, we gotta go."

"Okay. Yea. Go, we have to."

"Baby what's up with the broken English? What're you doing, let's go get the keys to your place."

"I'm not ready." I mumbled.

There was a silence between all of us and then Asaad let out a sigh, followed by Loren. I know it as an unexpected and probably annoying thing to come out of my damn mouth right now but it's the honest truth. I don't think I'm ready for this. I've had two months to get ready for it, the day is here, the money is my landlords, the keys are waiting on me but now I'm ready to run my ass right away from all of this.

Loren leaned even further forward and tapped Asaad's shoulder. I could see her cock her head to the side and then Asaad nod his and get out of the car. Once he closed his door, Loren climbed into the front seat and sat behind the wheel. I finally took off my seatbelt and sat back in the seat, and pressed the button for it to recline back.

"Jewels, what's goin' on with you girl?" She finally asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and then placed my hand on top of my forehead. "What if I'm not ready Loren, I don't think I'm ready."

"Jewels what do you mean you're not ready?"

"I'm not ready Lo," I turned my head to look at her and she was looking more confused than I am about my own damn feelings. "I've had two months to get ready but I'm just not."

"Make sense Jewels, what aren't you ready for?"

"This," I waved my hands around the general space we were sitting in. "It's like I'm not ready to basically become a mother and shit Lo."

"But you were taking ca--"

"I know, I know. I was taking care of her before and basically doing it on my own but it's not the same Lo. Like this time we're for real on our own. I don't have a mother there anymore, and it was basically like not having one when she was there but I don't know, she was there. I had another body to fall back on if I really needed it. She did do some things and now that's all me, I'm responsible for Emery's life and everything she becomes from here on out, I determine all this shit with her. I have to pay bills and go to school and-- and our damn senior year isn't even over and all of this is happening at once!"

It's true, everything that I've been feeling is true. It's always been Emery and I, but Emery, me, and our mom as some type of safety net for us. If everything just went south or I really really needed something she was always in the background for the help. And I know she wasn't shit, but, I just always had the idea that she would change and she'd act right and do right and I'd be able to live life and now she just up and left and I know for a fact that, that possibility is out of the window. It's scary as hell.