Reminisce: Dear O,

April 5th, 2015

April 5th, 2015

     "The snow is gone, spring has hit with heavy rains and patches of sun. We went for a walk in the park; I am getting more and more comfortable with being outside. It helps when she is with me; I'm sure I look paranoid without her beside me. Sometimes she holds my hand, a gesture I'm surprised that she does given that everything else I remember as traditional romance she scoffs at with a hint of confusion in her eyes. I remember when she first held my hand, back at the motel. There was something strange about it, and yet I couldn't let go. In a way, it proved to me that she truly did want to leave with me, though I wonder some days if she is still happy with that decision.

      The newspapers are still piling up.

      I did cut out one picture of Steve; to remind myself of who I was.

       There was a sudden realization that I'm not the only one who see's O. And things got messy today.

       I was just seated on a bench, watching O as she took a walk around the small pond. There is a boardwalk around it, a large gazebo on the opposite side. When I spotted them looking at her, I tried to ignore it at first. I thought, everyone thinks she's gorgeous, how could they not? I can't freak out every time a guy looks at her, especially when I'm not by her side and she looks alone. But it was the way he leaned in towards his friend, the way they pointed at her and chuckled a little. I still remained calm, but my eyes were focused on her. When they walked passed me, I could hear them. I could hear what they were saying about her, the things that they said they would do to her. I wouldn't have allowed that back in the day, and I certainly wasn't going to allow it now.

       Both of them went home with broken noses, one with a broken wrist. O and I had to split pretty fast, before the police arrived, and now I feel as though I'm on house arrest. O isn't mad at me, not really; but I can see a hint of disappointment in her eyes. How can I explain to her what they were doing? What they were saying? I don't want her to hear the words, but I told her that they were disrespecting her. She's seen a lot of horrors, but I'm not sure if she understands just how awful the world is in other aspects."