Finding Her

chapter 10

Alana and I spent the next couple of months planning our wedding and getting our stuff ready for the new baby as well as getting ready to send Alexa off to college. Ben and Ashley came down for a visit, they had yet to learn about the new baby. Meanwhile, Alana informed me that when their dad dipped out on them, Ashley got custody of Ben. It broke her heart to let go of the last piece of her family that she had left. None of them knew what happened to their father after he tore through the brothles of Las Vegas - nor did they care anymore.

My mom was almost fully recovered and beyond ecstatic about the new baby. I was beyond nervous due to my lack of learning the first time around. Everyday Alana reassured me that I would do a better job than I gave myself credit for. Basically, I was psyching myself out and setting myself up for failure. Parenting wasn't meant to be easy.

Alana and I were huddled in the kitchen, arms wrapped around each other. "How do we tell them, Alex?"

"Let's just tell it like it is. I mean, they know we're getting married next month and we've already had one kid together. I'm sure they won't be too surprised." I replied, kissing her forehead tenderly. "Plus, we're all adults now."

She sighed, "You're right. I honestly don't know why I'm so nervous about this. Babies are a blessing and the fact that both of my children have the same dad is another blessing on it's own."

"The fact that you took me back and slept with me again is the biggest blessing."

She giggled, a sound I would cherish for the rest of my life, "You're such an idiot."

I smiled warmly at her, "But I'm your idiot."

"That you are. Now, come, let's eat dinner and then we'll break the news." She said, kissing my cheek as she breezed by, as she carried a dish into the dinning room.

Dinner went by without a hitch, but I could tell Alana was growing more and more anxious. No matter what, I had her back in this. I rubbed her knee under the table. "Need help with the dishes, babe?"

"Yes please." She replied and started to grab for the dishes.

We gathered and washed the dishes, she stayed silent as I attempted to give her a pep talk. Her shoulders sagged and I faltered, "What's on your mind, baby girl?"

"I'm just nervous." She muttered in defeat. "I don't know what to do."

I pulled her into a hug, "I've got you, babe, no matter what you decide."

She nodded against my chest, "Thank you."

I kissed her head before finishing washing the last dish. I grabbed her hand and squeezed gently, "Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

We made our way into the living room where everyone was engrossed in nightly television. Ben looked up and sensed the nervous tension, nudging his oldest sister before continuing, "What's up?"

Alana gripped my hand in an iron death grip. "We have some news to share with you." She replied meekly.

"Oh?" Ashley cocked her head to the side.

Alana nodded, her hand tightening even more around mine. "I'm, uh... I'm pregnant."

"Oh wow! Congratulations you guys!" Ben said, obviously shocked and excited for us.

"That's amazing news! How far along?" Ashley gushed.

"Only a few months." She smiled shyly, "I found out about three months ago."

"Oh wow! Alana this is fantastic!" Ashley exclaimed.

Alana's grip on my hand loosened and I could visibly see her relax, as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. My brave little princess, I was so proud of her and I'm glad that her family was taking this so well. I still don't see why they wouldn't, though, I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

For awhile they talked about baby stuff, like nursery themes and baby showers, then they moved onto the wedding. I listened silently as Alana described her dream wedding. She had about planned the whole wedding. Her dress, her hair, the décor, the colors, time of year, even the food. I could almost imagine it. I would damn sure try to give it to her, no matter the cost. She deserved that and so much more. I'd do my best to spoil her and give her her dream wedding.

Before long we were saying our goodbyes to her siblings. Today had been a good day, gone by without a single mishap. Everything felt great as I cuddled up to the most breathtaking woman I would ever lay my eyes on. "You're so beautiful, Lana."

"What makes you say that?" She asked as she snuggled closer, her blue doe eyes penetrating my soul.

"Everything." I replied, "Everything about you is so pure. You don't try to be something you're not and that's amazing all on it's own. You're passionate about the things you love. It just adds to your physical beauty."

"Are you saying all this so you can get in my pants?"

"Even if you were wearing any, my answer would still be the same. No, Lana, I'm not trying to get in your pants right now. I just truly find you to be incredibly beautiful." I reply, gently stroking her soft hair.

She smiled warmly at me, "I love you so much, Alex. I'm glad you're back."

"I love you, too, and I'm glad to be back." I smiled back, "I honestly don't know how I made it through prison."

"Was it hard?" She asked.

I nodded and sighed deeply, "Oh yeah. I had to literally fight to survive half the time. But, I brought it on myself for being a dumbass kid and getting involved with drug lords and arms dealers."

Her eyes darkened with stone cold sincerity, "You weren't a dumbass, Alex, you thought you were doing the right thing and that's okay. The past is the past and you've grown so much to put yourself down like this still. You were a kid and you did what a kid would do. That's not you any longer."

I kissed her forehead, thankful to have someone like her in my life. She kept my head on straight and my self doubt at bay. I couldn't help but feel even more at peace as I drifted off to sleep.