Finding Her

Chapter 6

Alana had fallen asleep hours ago, but I was restless. She barely aged since I saw her last, our daughter was so grown up and gorgeous like her mother, and I missed it. I missed her first word, first steps, first day of school. Did she even know how to ride a bike?

I hate myself for missing so much of both of their lives. I hate myself for being so stupid, selfish, and wreckless. But, I guess, all i can do is make up for it now. For the both of them. I can make this right, I know I can.

A yawn escaped my lips as I crawled out of bed. Questions swarmed my mind. How the hell am I going to fix this?

I love Alana and our daughter more than anything, but will my daughter ever be able to forgive me? I've been trying so hard to become the man I've always wanted to be. Not just for myself, no, I need it for both of them and any future child we may have. I had to do it for them.

"Alex...?" Lana called out sleepily.

"I'm here, baby, is something wrong?"

"No, everything is perfect." She muttered through a yawn. "Just come back to bed soon and quit brooding."

"Yes, Miss Bossybutt." I smiled, all that time away from her made me miss her so much more.

~

The next day I woke to find Alana and Alexandra already gone for the day. There was nothing to really do unless the shop I got a job at needed me.

I wandered around the house wondering if I'd see any photos of Fletcher at all. To my surprise, there weren't any at all. It made me wonder how long our daughter knew he wasn't her real dad.

How did she find out I was her father? I really needed to talk to Alana. All I could do was wait for her to get home, and that wouldn't be for another four hours.

I busied myself with crappy job researches to see if I could find anything better than what I had now. I also decided to e-mail my mom.

Dear Mom,

I finally found them. Took me a few days and a few wrong turns, but, I found them. My daughter, Alexandra, looks just like her mother. Alana still looks as breathtaking as she did back then. I swear, it's like she's barely aged a day. I asked her to marry me. She said yes. We haven't worked out the details yet but I'm sure it'll be soon.

How're you feeling? That Roy guy still treating you right and taking good care of you? I don't want you missing any doctors appointments 'cause of him. I don't know, something about him just doesn't seem right to me. I love you, Mom, write me back when you get a chance.

~

It was dark when she got back home. I had already started on dinner, homemade spaghetti and meatballs. One of the few foods I actually knew how to make. She stumbled into the kitchen, the smell of hard liquor wafted off her.

"Whatchu makin'?" She asked.

I stared at her, baffled by the difference in her. "Spaghetti. I can save you some for tomorrow if you're too drunk now."

She flinched slightly as if my words hurt her, "I'm perfectly fine, Captain Morality!"

"Good, dinner will be ready in five minutes then."

She nodded and left the room. Her footsteps echoing off the stairs before her bedroom door slammed shut. I guess someone had a rough day. I sighed and added a few more spices to the sauce before cleaning up the prep dishes.

I fixed her a plate and waited. Part of me wondered if she passed out. I just shrugged it off and ate my food.

Twenty or so minutes later she came down, her hair soaking wet and her tiny body wrapped up in a towel. She was shivering slightly as she came to sit down. I watched as she devoured the food in front of her. Had she even had time to eat today? Did her work screw her over that much today?

"Want to talk about it?" I asked after she finished her food.

She shrugged, "My boss announced that he's going to have to lay some people off in a couple weeks. It's got all of us stressed as hell so we went out for drinks, I didn't drink all that much, most of it got spilled on my clothes thanks to my idiot coworkers."

I nodded in understanding. That explained why she smelled so strong. "Just a really shitty day, huh?"

"Definitely."

"Anything I can do to make it better?" I asked smoothly. Her face burned a fiery red. It made my insides burn with passion and crave her more. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in my life. "Anything at all?"

"M-Maybe." Her face burned brighter as she bit her lip.

"Well then, why don't we just go up to bed?"

"Alex, we really need to take things a little bit more slowly. I don't want to have another baby yet." She looked at me with sad eyes, "I mean, you did just come back into my life and our daughters, you should get to know her first. I don't want her to feel any less important to you."

My heart raced in excitement over the thought of her carrying my child again. She was right, though, I needed to know this child first before we had another. I would certainly try, if Alexandra allowed for me to know her. Couldn't blame her if she didn't, she does have an ex-con for a father. Not exactly the best role model for a teenager.

"I can try, Lana, but if she doesn't want me to know her then what? I can't exactly force her to like me or anything. She's already almost an adult, I can't force her to like me no matter how much I want her to."

Alana sighed, "I know, I just want you to try. Try before we end up with another one."

"I will. I promise." I said, staring into her eyes with the utmost sincerity.