Gentleman's Affair

Leaving At Hello

"I'm sorry," he says. No melancholy to his voice.

My heart plummeted into my stomach as I felt a sharp pain pierce through me.

"D-don't leave me, please..." I whimper.

The tears couldn't have ceased now. Everything was going well I thought. He opened up to me, he met my family, and I met his. I thought we were breaking down barriers, layers, walls.

But he must've been building back up his. I couldn't help but think was it me. Did I do something? Did I push the issue of being his or trusting me? Was I too demanding or open with my love? I didn't force it onto him. Did I?

The midnight black suit stitched to his physique will forever haunt my memories. Every time someone in a suit, with briefcase in hand, rushing to work or a business meeting with forever strike pain into my heart.

"I don't understand...." I pant.

It feels like a pain attack.
A heart attack.
It feels like death.

"Ellie, you aren't the woman for me. I thought you were the woman for me, but you're not. We simply cannot be anything else. I hope you understand that you aren't meant for someone like me, and vice versa. I just don't want to be with you."

I couldn't believe my ears. I couldn't believe the words sliding through one ear and hitting the blockade in my brain where the memory cell membrane was located.

Forever these words would stick with me like a scar permanently to remind you of a certain incident.

"But.. I thought you loved me...."

"I didn't... I don't."

"But you told me—"

He turns away from me slightly as if he couldn't bare the sight of my face. "I told you that because I wanted you. I wanted you to submit to me. Now you have and I am uninterested in you."

He's cold.

The words become gargled and I choke. "Alright," a soft whisper.

I didn't want to argue. I didn't want him to feel obligated to tell me the truth.

That day I watched the only man I would ever love walk away from me. It was the easiest thing for him to do, and the hardest thing for me to watch. I felt like screaming. I felt on the verge of doing something unforgivable, regrettable. No longer did I want any part of this world, or anything in it.

I was heartbroken. Torn into pieces.

I knew there was nothing I could say to change his mind. I didn't know how. All we did was share some intimate moments, and feelings in the heat of it all.

"Ellie? Will you talk to me? Please." My mother begged and pleaded. "I know you may feel like you can't talk to me about certain things, but baby I am worried about you."

"Mother, I am fine. I promise you. I'm just not feeling well. That's all." I lie. I know it's wrong, but it's the only way she would stop prying.

I would avoid any conversation that led to him in anyway possible. Not even Brooke could have made me spill the emotion set deep inside towards the situation.

Every night was like a bittersweet reminder of the passionate love making, and then the tide churning heartbreak at the end. Over and over. I felt like I was being stabbed. If he loved me why did he leave me?

Ellie: Why?
Ellie: What did I do?
Ellie: What did I say?

No answer.
Nothing.