Gentleman's Affair

Layers

"Tell me something I don't know," she insists placing her legs over my lap.

I sigh heavily only because I didn't, well don't like talking about myself.

"Come on! You know more about me than anyone, so now it's time to even the playing field."

And for that brief moment she was absolutely right. I had only been hiding my personality and personal interests under layers of a tough exterior because I only want to be depicted as a boss.

Nothing more, nothing less.

"I don't watch sports."

"Figures."

I raise my eye brow.

"Well, I don't peg you for the sports type."

"Well then, Miss Donovan I just might shock you one day," I chuckle slightly. "My favorite author is Charles Dickens."

Ellie smiles simply intrigued in the conversation before her. "Ah, a reader. Now that's more like you," she giggles.

"How so?"

"You seem like an intellectual. Nothing gets past you. Not even for a second. You also pay a lot of attention to detail. Always one step ahead. I think that's why most people are intimidated by you."

The simplest words sound the most attractive when she speaks them. It almost makes me mesmerized just hearing her talk. I had to take a moment to appreciate her soft peach lips pressing against one another with each syllable being stretched out.

"And what about you Miss Donovan? I wonder what part of me intimidates you," I shift positions to where I'm staring at her eyes.

Ellie inhales, and then exhales.

"Your presence intimidates me," she answers honestly. "It's your whole demeanor. It's disarming-but intriguing. I've never met a man like you..."

"You're the first woman I've ever engaged in a relationship with. Never imagined that I would be emotionally stable with... anyone." I admit sliding from underneath her legs. "Breakfast?"

I walk into the kitchen taking out the ingredients to make breakfast. "There's not much to my life sadly, Miss Donovan." Part of me had been unapologetic about how I lived my life.

Several doors had been closed for obvious reasons. Apart from the trust issues I had also became antisocial, emotionless, and suffer from PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). The traumatizing beatings in my early stages of life kept me with waking nightmares, insomnia, and irritability.

I never felt like doing anything more than getting sleep that was much needed. My disorder always left me with an empty feeling of a void in which could never be filled.

"Why though? You seem to have everything you want, but not everything you want," Ellie pries closer to uncover the hidden truth.

Ellie was so caring.

All I was doing was hiding like a coward from my own silliness.

"I don't have friends. The people I consider friends, I shut out. It was my own insecurities that made me this way. To me it was the best way to cope with my monsters and demons. I'd just rather not feel like I'm having to constantly improve myself. Being a foster child I knew my foster parents looked forward to seeing me progress and move forward. It wasn't their fault to have such high hopes, but it also wasn't my fault for having such low hopes. I was only but a child. Just like childhood bad habits, I carried my traits along with me through the years. Therapists just say that's my way of lashing out, or coping. My defense mechanism."