What We Once Were | ✔

26 | August

Heather came back after her grandmother's funeral, I was expecting her to look like I did, all torn up but she came back looking normal. I was happy about it, I was happy she wasn't letting it show, that people weren't feeling sorry.

But I also knew that she was in fact hurting, hurting so much she just wanted to scream until her voice died but she didn't. She had to be strong, just like Joseph, for her family.

Friday came along, Heather asked if we could go to the beach, I don't know why.....it was cold and everything was almost frozen.

We couldn't feel.

We agreed of course, Joseph and I, I guess she just wanted to talk, let her anger out but not around her mom and dad. Joseph drove us in mom's SUV, she wasn't working until tomorrow so she agreed, she knew why we wanted to borrow it. The sky was perfectly clear allowing the sun to shine on the snow creating glitter of light, the gravel parking lot was completely empty as Joseph came to an abrupt stop. We all sat still for what felt like eternity, unsure of what to say.

"Come on!" Heather said cheerfully, Joseph and I exchanged looks, we followed her out walking to the same spot we came two months ago.

Heather sat herself on the boulder, her scarf wrapped thick around her neck keeping the warmth in, we all kept silent with our hands shoved into our coat pockets.

"So," she began, "I guess I know what you guys felt."

I raised my eyebrows, "how?"

She looked up at me with reddening eyes, "numb."

I felt taken back but I pushed it down remembering what Mr. Richard had told me, "I know."

"It'll pass," Joseph whispered sitting down next to her, "it will, I promise."

Heather nodding, she covered her eyes not wanting us to see the tears dripping from her eyes.

"I hate waiting!" She sobbed, "I hate waiting for normal to come back!'

I gulped, I knew how she felt and I wanted to cry along with her but I know if I did I would be putting myself back where I was five and half months ago. I knelt down in front of Heather pulling her hands away from her face.

"Heather, there isn't normal, it's just how you want it to be again." I smiled brushing her hair away, Joseph stringed his fingers through Heather's holding her hand. "But listen, we're here, okay?"

She nodded slowly, I breathed slowly, glancing at Joseph we both knew Hesther was going to be fine.

"So, how's your mom?" Model asked, Heather looked up from the ground to the raging winter sea.

"Tired." She replied, "she took a few days off of work just to, you know, sort things out."

"Is she okay?" I asked.

Heather smiled weakly, "she is but you know she's just holding it all in, like I did and how you guys did."

"Holding in the pain is hard to do," Joseph whispered, I nodded.

"Yeah but sometimes you can't help it, you can't do it by yourself," she pushed back her hair, "God can." As she said His name, a small smile crept on her mouth.

My heart beat faster at the mention of God, I never knew that Heather believed in him, I looked at Joseph who held the biggest smile.

"He can," he said, "He did it for us."

My heart began to warm, "He did

"

"He's amazing....." Heather stars, "how we can just treat Him like dirt, ignore Him but He still loves us..."

I closer my eyes letting the cold wind nip at my cheeks, it hurt knowing that I did it, treated God so badly just because I wanted to fit in but now all I want to do is be with Him. I knew it now that dad's death brought Joseph and I out of it, it showed us what dad was trying to.

"I'm happy my grandma is with Him, you know?" Heather said strongly although her eyes said otherwise, "I'm gonna miss her but I'm happy she's with Him, with grandpa."

So was dad, looking down us, watching us change, grow up, and just be happy like he always wanted.

"Are you saved?"

I opened my eyes to Heather looking at me, embarrassment flooded my mind, I slowly shook my head no.

"Do you want to?" She asked, "I mean, my grandma always wanted it for everyone....I'm sorry."

Joseph raised his eyebrows, "what's to be sorry about?"

She sighed, "its just that I'm doing what grandma did, open God into their hearts...I must be making you guys uncomfortable-"

"No," I smiled, "your not, in fact, I want to be saved."

Heather smiled brightly, Joseph smiled at me, my words were true, I want to be because I can't ignore God anymore, He's been knocking on my heart this while time and I've just sealed myself up afraid to lose people. But with Heather. Joseph, and Mom around me I've been understanding things that were a mess of confusion before. Like why dad died, why we moved here, why I met very own I know now.

"I understand what you were saying to me....." Heather quad looking to Joseph, "about loving where I'm from, I understand it now."

"I'm glad, Heather." He kissed her head softly causing her face to swell with red, "because your happy now."

She pulled away, embarrassment smeared all over her face, I laughed as Joseph looked to me a little proud.

"Um, anyway, about being saved!" Heather said quickly, "my Bible is at home so do you want to go there?"

I nodded, we all stood against the wind walking to the SUV, our backs to the winter sea. We all felt like something came of our chest, I smiled, we must of all understood why the things that happened......happened, all this time God was trying to tell us but Noe we understood.

We did go to Heather's house, my heart beat so fast as she opened her Bible reading from Romans, I cried as I said all the regret and all the things I wanted to be forgiven of, and I smiled as I felt peace in my heart as I accepted Jesus.

This is what God wanted, Joseph and I both knew it and now.......everything has changed.