What We Once Were | ✔

4| Vincent

The classroom was empty as I unlocked the door to it, with locks clicking I hit the door open with my shoulder. My door has always had a problem with the lock even though I put in request last year but yet to have it fixed, I sighed to the empty room clicking the door shut. A week before school starts and I have yet to get my room ready let alone began lessons. I know I've been excused, I've been given time off, I knew that but I haven't been indulging in it.

The blinds snapped up as I pulled them, the room flooded with light, dust flew around in the empty room.

"Jeez," I coughed, "do the janitors really clean the rooms?"

I kicked aside the trashcans sitting down at my desk, I didn't even order To Kill A Mocking Bird yet and that is the first book we're reading this year. I ran my hand through my black hair, the stress this year won't be any better than last year. A knock came from the door as Principle Galvin walked in with papers in his hands, "how ya doing, Vincent?"

He smiled, the edges of his eyes crinkled with age.

"Hey Galvin, what's up?" I greeted him with a handshake, standing taller the man.

"Nothing, just saying hey to all the teachers before school starts." He replied laughing.

"Hey?" I chuckled sitting back down, "you're starting to sound like my students."

He nodded, he looked over the class room, large bookshelves with classic literature lining each one. "I do have to keep up the trends kids these days are making up, sensible thing to do, ain't it?" He asked.

I shrugged, "I don't know, I can't keep up." Flipping through the papers before me, I sat down the chair creaking under my weight.

"Keep up? What?" He joked, he sat down in the front row of desks. "You're only 25, still a kid!"

I raised my eye brows, he kept chuckling to himself like some kid despite being 56.

"Last time I checked I was." I looked at the papers in his hands, "what are those?"

Galvin held up the papers to me, I looked over the new names I would be teaching this year.

"I wanted an excuse to come and talk to you, pal." He stood with his hands in his pockets, his happy mood turned to something else. "You don't have to work so soon."

My voice caught in my throat, I looked back down to the attendance sheet, the words were blending together. "I-Its fine, I can." I laughed nervously, my voice cracked at each word.

"Vincent, it's okay of you don't, I can get a sub down here." He stepped closer, "missing the first few days of the new year won't hurt." He smiled gently.

Clearing my throat I stood straightening my tie into my vest, "I can, it won't bother me."

Galvin rubbed his balding head, "okay, if you want." He stepped to the door nervously as he nodded in defeat.

I watched him say his goodbyes leaving the door open, his intentions were good but they just brought back a feeling I knew I didn't want. I shut the door, I was left alone in my empty classroom again, slapping my face I pushed away the pain, I have to get it together. Picking up my attendance sheet and pen, I marked each name with a desk, most other teachers didn't have assigned seats but since I teach 11th and 12th grade English I have to. The senior class is always impatient during their last year, the names on this list were familiar.

I stopped at the desks in the back, two new names appeared both with the same last names, new kids, huh? My mind debated whether or not I should place them next to each other, their new and they'll be lost so they should be. Marking them next to each other I moved onto the rest of my new class.

°°°

I ended up sweeping the floor myself with the broom in my closet, cleaning each desk with disinfectant as well as the windows. It's like the janitors skip my room, I've been a teacher 3 years now going on my forth, the reason I'm so young is because I went to college right after I graduated highschool. It felt like a mistake at first but my mom encouraged me-my mom-she's always encouraged me to do what I wanted.

"Not anymore." I mumbled to myself, I put away the broom sitting myself at the back by the window.

The leaves outside were already turning, its not even September and fall had snuck up on us like a ghost. And like a ghost, I'll move in through the year and the next because in this world, I'm just a small speck of dust. That's what I always told myself because the world was just so big and I'm just one person in it, mom always told me I'm special in God's eyes and that I do have a purpose. I believe it but the purpose isn't here yet, I haven't found it. I haven't found it and I don't think I ever will, my throat swelled, I don't think I will because mom isn't here anymore. My eyes squeezed shut, she isn't here anymore.......I could feel drops of tears drip down to the desk with no sound. She isn't here anymore to tell me its alright and its gonna be fine. My nails dug into my skin as I squeezed my fists tightly, why do people have to leave? I was crying, alone, I couldn't help it.

I was crying because the pain won't go away.