What We Once Were | ✔

9 | August

School was blinding almost, the people here stared, I felt so frozen.

How my summer went? The words almost blurred together, how could I answer this? I squeezed my eyes shut, how can I? My summer was.....fine, just fine until the last week of it, then it all went down hill. So far down I wonder if I could ever get back up, I feel stuck, I glanced to Joseph who stared at the paper, I feel like I'm pulling him down with me. I released my breath, what do I do?

"Hey," Joseph whispered, "you okay?"

I closed my eyes, "I don't know." My voice almost cracked.

"Just write, anything will be fine." He smiled squeezing my hand.

"What about dad?" I whispered, "what do I say about him?"

Joseph didn't reply, his eyes just stared.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing." He replied, I nodded looking to the pencil in my left hand, everything but him. I began to write, faking all the happy words and moments to appear normal. Like a normal girl who had a normal summer who moved because of a normal reason.

"Okay."

The pencil almost moved on its own, like it was the one writing the story. I rubbed my eyes, how am I supposed to act like this the whole year, every time someone asks me if I'm okay I fake a smile. I don't want to.

"Hey." An unfamiliar voice called, I looked up, who...said that?

I looked at Joseph, he was writing like he hadn't heard it.

"I said that." A girl leaned over most Joseph's head, a girl with dirty blonde hair. "Hey."

I gulped, "h-hi."

She smiled as if smirking, "what's your name?"

"August, who are talking to?" Joseph put his head between the girl and I.

I pointed my finger at the girl on his right, he twisted his head at the smirking girl.

"Who are you?" He asked suspiciously.

She rolled her eyes smiling, "Heather Kyles, you?" She held her hand out to Joseph and I. He didn't take it, he stared at her out stretched.

"Joseph Mason, this is my twin, August." He held his hand out to me.

"I could tell the much, your almost the same person. I'm jealous." Heather laughed looking back to her paper.

"What's to be jealous about?" I asked, Heather looked up at me.

"You have someone to talk to that isn't losing their mind." She replied, her eye shimmered almost.

"What do you mean?" Joseph asked.

She didn't reply automatically, "nothing, just mumbling to myself." She smiled, "anyway, where are you-"

She was interrupted by a bell signaling the end of class, everyone stood up, as they walked by the teachers desk they handed in the papers. Joseph stood up with me, he grabbed my paper along with his.

"I'll show you to you're next class." Heather said to us as we stood next to Mr. Richard's desk.

"Really?'" We asked, she nodded tossing her paper on his desk. It flew right off landing in his lap, he looked up through his glass at us all, his eyes looked like doll's eyes almost; lifeless.

"Heather, that's not handing it in." He smiled, he picked it up tossing it in the basket with the others.

She shrugged, "counts in some way."

"Sure, kid."

"I'm not a kid, your not much older then any of us." She remarked. Joseph looked at Heather bluntly talk back to the teacher.

"Only by 6 years which is enough." He looked up, his eyes meeting mine. "Welcome to Oceanside." His smile was crooked but yet it fit him.

"He's the youngest teacher ever and he acts 50!" Heather said mocking him, she held in small laugh.

"Heather, your gonna be late if you keep talking." He stood up, his black hair was pushed back lazily, "nice to have you two here."

Joseph snapped out of his stare shaking Mr. Richard's hand, "thanks."

"Come on, I'll show ya guys around." Heather pulled Joseph's arm leading us out the door. I followed out, looking back I saw Mr. Richard's looking out the window. His hands in his pockets like a man wondering when something good will come and why things happened the way they did, my heart squeezed. I looked away following Joseph, I knew how that felt and how it hurt so much to point you want to break from it.

He looked hollow.

°°°°

So many different rooms, faces, and just too much for me to make in. It seems stupid to think so, but for me right now...it was. Heather showed us around like she had promised, I felt better that someone wanted to help rather than to just leave us to find it all like some cliché highschool novel. Life felt like that right now.

But right now, Joseph and I sat alone at a lunch table feeling like all eyes were on us.

"Its nice here." Joseph smiled to himself, "I like it."

I looked up to him, "it is nice but its not home." I mumbled into his sleeve.

"Yeah but right now home is too painful for you and mom." Joseph swallowed the rest of lunch crumbling the trash in his fist. I eyed have him, his eyes stared straight ahead.

"What about you?" I asked diligently, "how do you feel?"

He looked down to me, a gentle smile played on his lips, he didn't have to say anything for me to understand his thoughts. Pushing his own emotions aside for others is the worst feeling for him but he knows it has to be done otherwise we would all be more than broken.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

We didn't speak as the rest of the lunchroom grew louder and bigger while Joseph and I grew small and weak.

"You guys look like crap." A voice said loudly, a lunch tray slammed onto the table in front of us, we jumped looking at Heather, the girl who showed us around.

"What?" Joseph asked, his freckled face crinkled.

Heather took a large bite out of a sand which in her hand, "-ya look like crap, what's the matter?"

My grip grew tighter on Joseph's arm, "we're fine, just nervous because this is all new." He smiled covering up our previous words.

"Ah, don't know that feeling." She replied, "lived here my whole life."

"Oh? That's nice, its pretty here." He smiled giving her a small laugh.

"Yeah that may be true but its boring and dull out here," she remarked. "I hate it."

I raised my eyebrows, her face grew angry just for an instant but it disappeared a second later. "Why?" I asked, I slowly pulled away from Joseph's arm leaning to her.

She looked up eyeing me, "why?"

I nodded briefly.

"Because it's holding me down." Heather looked away, annoyed with the subject.

Holding her down? I looked out the window to the bright Autumn leaves and clear sky, this town had its own unique character and more. My chest weighed down, it seems like Joseph and I aren't the only ones fighting an enemy. Heather is covering hers, Mr. Richard's is holding his, and I'm burying mine. I closed my eyes leaning into Joseph, he and Heather continued talking but their voices grew further away. We all have pain, something we fight to be happy for ourselves or others but the point is it can be terrifying. Joseph held my hand feeling my tension.

The difference between me and them?

I have someone holding me when I fall.