Chapter 54 - Kieran POV

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by roxann_season

by roxann_season

A/N: NOT EDITED. SHORT.

Chapter 54 - Kieran POV

I rest my head back, eyes closed after leaving nowhere and unlike all the other times I've gone there, I feel different. I feel good, nothing hurts and that was definitely new. Exhaling, my whole body shudders and I leave my hand on Oakley's fur, calming my racing heart as I ignore the amount of people I know is in this room. Their scents - Jack, Oakley, Chelsea, Gabriel... as my hand runs over Oakley's fur, memories assault my mind, I feel pain where I know there is none, I pant, my hands shakes, and I remember more and more, each time... every hit, every time it was lights out and Jerry would come. The beatings, the sounds he teased me with, signaling what would be happening. Poking me, taking blood, giving me the blue shots. Sending me back to my concrete room, 'I'll deal with you later,' he'd say.

The white coats, telling the white coats what was happening, only to have them laugh, pleading for help and never once getting that break, no one helping me. Never improving, always bad, never right. Never wanted. Punishment after punishment... 'You want it to be me, you don't want someone else, I'm doing this because I'm protecting you..."

'I wouldn't have to do this if you just followed directions...' his hand tight against my neck, pushing my face against the wall, fighting the pain - holding in the screams, panting - trying to fight the urge the fast coming moment where I just pass out.

I feel a twinge inside my chest, and it feels as though someone is sitting on my chest, and someone is giving him or her heavy items to add to the weight. Unable to breathe deeply because my lungs were not working correctly, and then I feel the pain on my neck and while I can't bring myself to move the hand on Oakley's fur, my free hand goes immediately up to my neck, trying to remove what's preventing me from having a calm breath.

"Kieran, concentrate on Oakley's heartbeat, take a deep breath, you aren't back there - you're on the island, you're in your room, and you're petting your mate," Chelsea said trying to help me get past whatever this was but it wasn't as easy as she was saying.

"Kieran, don't think about anything else but that, repeat it in your head," whipping my head from side to side, I can't - I gasp loudly. "Do it Kieran," Chelsea says firmly, "think of where you are, who you're with, no one here is going to hurt you."

I'm here on the island.

No one is going to hurt me.

No white coats, no Jerry.

My hand is tangled in Oakley's fur.

In my room, no concrete walls.

No blue liquids.

The pain on my neck isn't real, it's not happening now, I continue to think. I fight, I fight harder when the black dots start to overlap my vision and unlike any time before, as I fight, giving all I have to get the numb feeling away. I feel wetness dripping down my face.

Over and over again I think of where I am and whom I'm with.

My breathing, the panting is further apart, tiredness and frustration falls down my cheek. I bow my head forward unable to stop the tears from coming, my eyes burn and I realize that - I'm just so tired. It happened to me, I couldn't fight the memories anymore and I'm not sure what was worse. What happened, or having to relive it in memories and nightmares? Was I strong enough to deal with that? Could I? I had barely survived the time in the facility - now it was with me again.

My mind is so far gone, and my other hand drops down to Oakley, resting my head against hers as more tears fall, holding onto her, shaking in pleasure and relief. The young boy inside me wanted this so badly when I was in the facility. Just someone, to hold me, I had that before. I knew I had it, but one day it was just gone and I wanted that so many times when I cried myself too sleep wrapping my arms around myself.

It wasn't the same though.

I was all alone and I had wanted someone so bad.

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