Messages To Joe | J.S

{0086}

Sorry this took so long to update, but I wanted to write it so it went how I wanted and so the book goes the way I want, tah
________________________________
Saturday January 19th 2019:

'We didn't have to go out you know, I just thought it would be nice,' Harvey's hand was wrapped around mine, it had been a while since we'd hung out and if I was being honest, I didn't get out of the house a lot on my own, and so it was probably good for me.

'I know, thanks.' We were initially planning to go to a restaurant, but without actually planning to and booking it beforehand, there were no places available on a Saturday night. So, as those in their 20's- or maybe not quite in their twenties more than at the beginning- do, we went to the local club.

'Do you think I'll get in?' The queue was long, and we were at the end of it, but the night was calm and so we didn't mind. I'd also deliberately not dressed up fancy and gone for leggings, converse and a white shirt with a jacket from TopShop.

'Of course, you have ID.'

'Right, but what if they think it's fake?'

'They won't, trust me.'

'I do.'

'Harvey, have you decided about France?' It was a shaky question, but the idea of being stuck for another at least ten minutes in awkward silences was the worst vision.

'Well, I mean, I've got to go- it's just the part about you coming that's undecided. And of course I'm not pressuring you whatsoever, I'll be happy when you're happy.' The words were like music, but there was that part of me that knew him having to go was found to be nearly six whole months without him, and that felt impossible at the time.

'Harvey, I want to go with you, if you'll take me,' a warm smile confirmed my decision, and I supposed it wasn't so much on impulse as I thought it would be.

'Amber?' An unfamiliar voice called my name, I shook it off as it sounded far away but as the next call came, it was louder and gradually gaining it's volume. 'Amber!' Joe?!

As he approached, I found my way to Harvey's hand and grabbed it, pretty much on instinct, as if to remind myself of the situation before I did anything stupid, such as running into Joe's arms. I hadn't seen him in what felt like forever, and it was like a river flooding into me.

'Amber, hi,' he huffed as he finally came to a stop infront of us, annoying everyone in the queue behind us who just pushed their way past. 'It's been a while.' Eyeing Harvey up and down - clearly making him feel awkward - he spoke quietly.

'I know, um, well Harvey, this is Joe my friend-' it came out so naturally it could almost have been the truth '- and Joe, this is Harvey, my boyfriend. So, what have you been up to?'

'Not much, filming a few videos and stuff but that's all.'

'Oh, yeah um, Joe has a YouTube channel- it's pretty big really.' Joe's gaze never left me, and I felt red and hot with the feeling of him

'Well, I mean I know that, he's famous for Christ's sake!' Shaking hands with one another, the two had some instant bond and I sighed instantly in relief.

*

'So, what brings you two out this late?' I tapped against my mug of Starbucks coffee. Accepting the fact we were not going to be going to the club but instead spending a lot more time with Joe - an idea I nor Harvey made any verbal objection toward - we headed to Starbucks, as it was open til late, and we were the only ones in the shop. The server stared at us rather oddly, maybe trying to decided which one of us was the third wheel.

'Just getting some fresh air really, what about you?' Harvey - usually his shy, non-talkative self - asked, acting as thought him and Joe had been friends for as long and me and him had. I on the other hand, was keeping to myself and trying to work out why he was here altogether.

'Oh I was meant to meet someone but they bailed, so when I saw you guys I was on the way home.'

There was a bit of a pause until Harvey announced himself going to the toilet, leaving us alone.

'Funny meeting you,' Joe smiled laughing both awkwardly and nervously and staring down into his cup. 'Harvey's a good guy, did you decide about France?'

'No, not yet, but I might go, it might be good for me.'

'Why can't we see each other more, why is that such a crime? It's not like we're getting married,' the cleaner had already begun but made himself almost invisible when Joe raised his voice.

'Don't say that Joe.'

'Alright, but can't we hang out? Is that so hard?'

'I don't know what you're asking for Sugg, a relationship?' I had begun to shiver and wanted nothing more than to be at home, under a blanket, and alone- nothing more than to be alone.

'Jesus, is that honestly what I was implying? Amber, all I'm saying that if you're going to leave for France for a large proportion of the year, I don't want to make this the last time we meet.' Harvey came back up the stairs, unaware even that we'd known one another for basically 3 years or that we'd been to Australia and back or that we dated or even that we just argued with the cleaner for our audience and thought we'd had friendly conversation whilst he'd been gone.

'I'm sorry, but I've got somewhere to be,' I pushed myself up from the table. 'We'll see you later, Joe.' Harvey said his goodbyes and walked behind me, being careful to step infront and open the front door when we reached it.

'Are you okay? Did I miss something?'

'I'm fine, and no, nothing at all.'