Loving Luch

Part 31

I woke up with the sun's rays hitting my face. Man I felt so tired even though Flint was the one driving. I still did my part on not making him fall asleep, so basically may silbi din ako.

We talked about Annie and him on the road, like how fascinated he was with Annie and ganoon din naman si Annie sa kanya. He'll be back next weekend to see Annie again, and maybe he'll stay for a week in Perth. He wants to spend more time with Annie to get to know her better and ganoon din naman si Annie kay Flint. So yeah a love story is brewing.

I can see in his eyes that he's serious with Annie, hindi ko kasi nakita tong ganitong look sa mukha niya when he was with other girls, yeah even with Audrey. Para bang Annie gave him a whole new perspective of life. The way he talks about the future parang kakaiba lang like si Flint ba to seriously, and then naisip ko na maybe he thought about the things I told him at the pub.

Flint stayed longer than planned in Canbera because his father wants to open up another branch of Flint's here. By now I think may nahanap na silang place and they are working on the planning at this point, plus Flint is meeting a bunch of people for it so he extended his stay. Wala din naman siyang reason to stay in Perth after he and Audrey broke up, well there's Sam, but una pa lang I knew it was only superficial. The kind of feeling na mawawala lang with a nice cold shower, and yes I meant libog.

Thank heavens Annie showed up and saved the day, of course alongside Justine.

Justine. How can I ever get her out of my mind?

Ever since I left Perth she never got off of my mind. Even in my sleep naroon siya. Korny na ba?

Well the question is do I want her to escape my mind? Somewhere deep in me, the part that's badly broken, the part that resists healing, that part wanted to get her out of my brain, my whole system even.

But there's also this part of me that wants her so badly, a huge part even.

This part of me just wants to let go of everything I've been holding on, including the grief and the sorrow, and that's good right? Sino ba ang ayaw maging malaya, to finally be happy? But the haunting question was am I capable? Kaya ko pa ba? Everytime I face Justine, hindi ko maiwasan maisip o matanong na what if along the way may mangyari na naman and she'd have to choose something or someone over me?

Kaya ko pa kaya yun?

I've been okay living here in Canberra without her, oo hindi gaanong masaya, pero I know I won't get hurt again and that fine with me, it worked for me.

Justine did not rush me, she stressed that one out. She told me to just let her ease the pain and it's as if she wants to get me out of this misery. I just don't know if I want to leave this dark place I have been for the last 2 years and some time, long ago. It had been oddly comforting for me.

I didn't know what got in to me the morning after the confession. I should be mad for many reasons, one of which pinipilit niya talagang pag usapan ang mga bagay na ayoko. Though I thought of having a closure with her, I didn't want to bring up the ugly past in such a lovely place.

When I passed out, I felt like it was my escape, yung tipong I don't have to explain myself for the things I've said or for how I acted. I'm quite thankful that I did pass out.

The next morning I was feeling better, lighter even. It's like a heavy weight was lifted upon my shoulder and everything felt bearable.

Plus seeing Justine beside me was the icing on the cake. She proved to me that she was serious in fixing things between us. Akala ko nga it was Flint who told her to stay but when she told me that she was the one who insisted to stay, my heart swell. Masarap sa pakiramdam na she cares for me, well she even told me she loved me so maybe that's the reason. I wouldn't deny and I told her already, I love her. Hindi naman nawala yun, I was just keeping it at bay, unconsciously waiting for the right time. I actually thought I was okay without her, but when the moment my eyes laid on her, I knew I was wrong. I'd only be okay if she were with me or if I was with her.