Wish You Were Mine

13 & 14 & 15

16 Dec Friday

Today I felt so horrible, I got sick that nobody cant feel it. Its combine between pain and feelings. Wish you were here beside me to keep me warm. My dad decided to visit to Japan to get a medicated for my cancer. So dad got flight at 19 Dec 11 a.m
I want to see you for the last time bby.
But how can I ? I dont want you to get hurt. I love you brandon. Love you so much

17 Dec Saturday

Dear Diary

I trust on God power. If I went to Japan and its take a long period. If we had a destiny together forever, its will be happen. If oneday I go back and then you got new girl for replace my place, you have to know that I will always wish you a happiness. And if I got a boy who can replace your place in my heart. I wish you can pray for my happiness oneday. You know what, I felt nauseated and very dizzy. and I kept vomiting but not blood vomiting . And it feel like step of the pregnancy. I still remember that we shared something that one night we're having some matured time together. like i've give you all of me. because I love you brandon..

18 Dec Sunday

Dear diary

Today is the last day, for me in Amsterdam. I've glad to know you. Wish me a luck. If lord save my life, the first thing that I wanna see is you brandon. I want to tell you that i've been save. I want to say you today.. I miss you so much. I've give Jaden some notes for you and you have to take your gift in my locker. Trust me, I will come back soon. You have to know that I love you so much. MORE THAN ANYTHING.
btw I want to tell you something you know what, today, I go to clinic and surprise that I was pregn..

The pages was rip. I couldnt read it....
The last pages of our journal.

Why this happen to me. How you do this to me? I should know this emily ! I SHOULD ! I love you no matter what ! I felt that im nothing for you. You doesnt even cared about my feelings. You should tell me, you should tell me. Because of cancer, you got pale faces. I should realize of you that. I should know that you're in suffer. I should by your side now. You should tell me. Oh lord what am I done ! I love emily so much ! What this things happen to me like what the hell is this world. Why so cruel ! she is my world ! Now she is suffer. Without me.

I am statue

Im heart broken into a pieces

I grab my hand and give a punch on the wall

Im exhausted

I lost everything

Today is 20 Dec

And I lost my world,

I lost everything that I had

Emily,

I didnt know what should I do.

Cancer ? Stage 4 ?

Why you do this to me?
How could you ?

My heart bleeding, its shatter me so hard. I stuck with my own breathe
Im getting hurt to moved.

Im stuck in my own feelings

Im hurt inside

Theres nothing more left.

Im done with this cruel world.

Okay bananas. You enjoyed it?

Well this is the journal that emily keep it. And the last words is PREGN.. Guess what ?

Could brandon see emily ? Are they getting together or this is the ending ?

Stay calm and stay reading

A xx