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A Rainy Summer

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~Chapter (32)~

Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

- Nathaniel Hawthorne

             Sometimes, it’s the little things in life that make us happy. Whether it was a long walk in sunshine in a gloomy winter day, a really good cup of coffee in the morning, the smell of fresh homemade brownies coming right out of the oven –or maybe a simple hug or a kiss from your loved ones.  

             It’s like that old saying: ‘Wake up and smell the roses’. All you have to do is stop for a few minutes in the day, stop everything you are doing, take a breather, and just take a few moments to appreciate life. Be grateful for your family, your friends, your children. Be thankful for the beautiful flowers that colors up our world, for the little drops of water that forms the ocean, and for the small grains of sand that makes the land we walk on.

            After a lot of begging, and -what seemed like- a stretched hour of desperate pleading, Stephen spoke with Liam’s doctor, and they allowed me to stay overnight in the hospital. Thankfully, I didn’t have to worry about finding somewhere to crash, at least for the night. However, I had a very terrible episode of disturbing sleep, I managed to sleep for a couple of hours in an uncomfortable couch, but the bright side was spending the night in Liam’s room.

            Sadly, Liam and I didn’t get a chance to talk, after the wonderful minutes we shared with Mason. Liam experienced a long run of nonstop coughing, the sharp throbbing pain in his head caused him a great deal of anxiety, he said it felt like someone was sticking a knife into his head repeatedly. The doctor ended up giving him a morphine shot, and a sleep medication. He said that it was normal, the strong headaches were mostly an aftermath of the brain surgery.

            Sitting close to the window, I rested my head on the warm glass, and gazed at the small glinting drops of the morning rain. I sighed as I trailed one of the drops sliding down the window glass with my finger, a streak of sun light shone over the droplets, providing them with the most beautiful colors of a tiny rainbow. The beauty of that scene was almost indescribable, it seemed to have pulled me out of my dark mood. Although, it was unable to erase the suffering and distress, the reverberation of Jordan’s harsh words in my mind, the hateful look in his eyes. I was battling with myself –preventing myself from sobbing over what happened with my brother, and each time I felt like giving up and breaking down, Adrian’s sensible words echoed in my ears.

            Don’t mess with your grief, let it heal by its own. Embrace the pain, and burn it as fuel to empower your fighting soul . . .                  

            The thing is, Adrian had already messed with his grief, and as much as he tried to appear as a strong person in front of me, he was tormenting himself in the inside. I remember how he used to go one of the fight clubs in the city, his fights helped him release some of the pain. Adrian’s life turned around a hundred and eighty degrees, because of my disease, and everything we had planned for was a total waste.

            What bothered me the most, was the recurring disturbing thoughts of his car accident –a car accident that I had caused. Despite the confirmed police reports, I was almost certain that the accident was intentional, a suicide attempt.

            I would give anything for you to live. . . .

           My life ends when yours does. . .   

           A choked cough startled me, and pulled me out of my train of thoughts. Reluctantly, I spun around to check on Liam, he was finally awake. I jumped out of the chair and went to his side, he was grabbing his chest tightly, as another cough made its way out of his throat. I poured him a glass of water, he seemed to be calming down after taking a few sips.

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