Nightingale [h.s.]

4: Can't Have You

Nelly looked at me with wide eyes once we were left alone, sitting on the living room couch. "Well are you going to open it?"




"Nelly, stop." Liam placed a hand on her shoulder. "It's his letters to read, not yours."




Either she didn't say anything back or I didn't hear what she said next, because I had my eyes on the letter that held something important to me.




Should I read it?




My hands immediately took control and ripped the top part of the letter and taking the paper inside out.




I was so close to opening it, but my hands began to shake and I dropped the letter on the carpeted floor.




What was wrong with me?




I tried to control myself but I wouldn't stop shaking. Just let me open the letter, damn it!




I kept trying and trying to pick it up but I couldn't, something was stopping me from opening this important thing to me.




"Maybe you should open it when you're alone." Liam suggested, not wanting me to feel any more pressure to open it.




I wanted so bad to open it but I knew I wouldn't be able to right now so I brought myself to nod.




Later.




---------




It was the middle of the night when I woke up in my bed and heard the light snores coming from the living room.




Nelly and Liam must have fallen asleep during watching the movie. I had fallen asleep an hour ago and only had an hour to sleep before I woke up.




I slowly got up from my bed, not attempting to go back to sleep. There was still something that was on my mind that I desperately wanted to see.




I looked to my left and saw the letter lying on top of my cabinet, waiting to be opened. The thing was, what was in it?




I took a slow, deep breath before reaching out and hesitantly grabbing the paper in my hand. With shaky breaths, I prepared myself and opened the folded note to see familiar hand writing.




Dear Harry,




It hasn't even been twenty four hours since I've left and I miss you like crazy. I've been yelling at my parents for the past few hours to take me back with you but they just won't. Why can't they understand? How don't they see how much I need you and how bad I want to go back to you? I probably already scared Brody and Abner but they don't understand either. They don't know how it feels to be ripped apart from the one person who truly understands you. Why didn't I just stay? Tell me, why? Why was I so stupid to leave you behind and by yourself? I'm so stupid, I know, but if I could go back to you this minute, you know I would. Maybe I should jump out of the van right now.. I know what you're thinking or what possibly could be going through your mind but I don't care if I get hurt. I just want to back to you. In your arms. Your arms wrapping around me, telling me that nothing could ever separate us. You do know that I rather just be alone than being without you, right? If you don't, well believe it. I don't care if I end up by myself, being without you is even more painful and now I have to pay for the consequences. I'm so sorry for putting you through this, too. You have no idea how sorry I am for causing all of this. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be going through this right now. It's still hard to believe that you actually love me. I know how mad you get when I say that but it's true. How could you possibly love me? I'm just a broken girl who doesn't get as much attention as you do with the girls. You can practically get anyone that you want yet you choose me? Why? You answered this question only once because you couldn't handle me asking much longer. You said that the spark in my eyes that shined whenever you were in my sight was what triggered you. I didn't think it was that noticeable but you noticed, of course you did. You notice everything. It's nearly twelve here and my brothers and mom are asleep, my dad's driving to the new home. I wouldn't even call it a home, Harry you're my home. With you is where I belong. It seems silly that after all these years of being best friends, we're one of the strongest couples I've ever known. I never expected this to happen, anything. Us falling in love, being a couple, having our own love story. Our love is a love story, right Harry? I like to think so. You always made me feel like a princess no matter what. And you were always my prince in shining armor. The question is, will our love continue to live on? I know we promised each other that when I came back we'd be together again, but what if you find someone by the time I come back? Someone better? Someone to hold your hand at all times, someone who cuddles with you when they're at your house watching a movie with you, someone who is ten times better than me. I don't like to think about it because then I feel like my world would fall apart but it just came to mind. I literally can't live without you Harry. I don't think I'll be able to fall asleep because I don't know if I'll be able to get up without you here with me. I feel like I'm dying without your love, and there's no way to stop it. I just want to hear your face and hear you say you love me too. Tell me that you miss me and want me to come back. I can't right now because my mom took my phone away to stop me from making plans to go back. She knows me so well. I don't know how I'm going to do this without you. I keep rereading your letters you gave me on valentines day and I end up crying when I haven't even started reading them. I know I'm a fool and I don't deserve you.. But believe me when I say that you're the most important person in my life. You understand and complete me. This is a long letter, I don't even know why I'm writing it if you won't even get the chance to read it. Hopefully you don't, and I'll be back to you and we'll live with our plan. We'll go to college together, get married, and have our own children. That's how I like to think of it. Remember that every day I'll be picturing your piercing green eyes who I've grown to love.