Lucian, just believe *slow updates*

Screams

By the time, we finish filming for the day I'm not sure if I want to see the test. Everyone piles back into the cars, since Shay's Trail Blazer has 8 seats it's really only her car, but I don't like how close to the ground her car is. So I drive one other  person so that the middle seats in her car are empty and it's not so crowded.
On the way back from the studio I get stuck with Ian in my car. We don't try to make small talk, we don't attempt to break the silence with music. We just bare through it, letting it ring through our ears like nails on a chalk board. We stop at a red light, the third one in a row. It's like god is trying to make this ride longer. I try to ignore the feeling in the pit of my stomach, the feeling that I might have a baby in there. One that's half me half the man I love- man I loved*.

"I think I might move out." Ian says breaking my thoughts and the silence that had been ringing through the car for the past 15 minutes. He looks at me, I refuse to stop looking at the light long enough to make eye contact. I reach out and turn on the radio, still willing the light to turn green.

By the time we reach home I'm ready to see the test. Not because I want a reason for Ian to stay, but because I want a reason for him to go. I know he didn't mean what he said. He was drunk. He tried his best to be the best but Marlene wasn't making it easy for him. I want him to be there when I see the results. I get out of the car, walking to meet him before we reach the front door. I tap his shoulder, he turns.

"I have to tell you something." I say looking down at my feet, my sandals glittering. I watch his feet shuffle as he waits for me to continue, but the words are stuck in the back of my mind. Not willing to come forward to my throat. Not willing to leap into the world that has made everything you say seem like a bad thing. This is not a world I want my kid to grow up in, not a world that puts you under a microscope and not one that makes it hard for you to be yourself.

"I took a pregnancy test, I haven't looked at the results, I want you to be there when I look." I say not looking away from my feet, that I might not be able to see in a couple months. I fidget with my necklace a little bit, before looking up to see that Ian is still processing.

"Lucy, Shay already showed me the results." He says pulling me into a hug. I don't know weather the hug is a good thing or a bad thing. If it means I am pregnant and he is staying or I'm not and he is leaving. It could mean that I am pregnant and he is leaving or I'm not and he is staying. I fight back tears I didn't know had came.

"What?" I ask, I know what he said, I just don't understand that he could possibly hear this from Shay. I trusted her. This is the biggest secret of my life and I decide to tell someone who can't keep it!

"It fell out of her purse, and I opened it. She said it was yours I didn't believe her, but you saying this, confirming this, and her acting all weird makes perfect sense." He says taking a breath, pulling back from me. "Lucy, I can't believe we're having a baby." He says pulling me into another hug.

As his words process I realize. He is going to have to stay. He can't leave when I'm pregnant. He has to stay.

Then it hits me, he knew I was pregnant when he told me he was leaving. He wants me to do this on my own.
"You knew I was pregnant when you told me you were leaving." I say looking up. Into his brown green eyes. Into the face that I'd faced a thousand times before. The face of the man I loved. He was standing in front of me.

"I was hoping you didn't want me to know and I could act like I didn't know." He says, almost proudly. My face falls as I realize he wants nothing to do with it.

"So you just want to act like you're not the father of this baby? You want to completely leave me to this? No help?" I ask pulling my hand from my hair. "You couldn't have pulled it off. You're a horrible actor." I say pulling my hand up to slap him.

Ian's POV.
"So you just want to act like you're not the father of this baby? You want to completely leave me to this? No help?" She says raising her hand to me. The hurt in her eyes evident, the pain in her voice clear. She slaps me.

"I did know. I don't want to leave. I thought you would want me to. You don't know how much I want this. I want you. I was drunk I didn't mean anything I said." I say not making a move to touch the cheek she'd assaulted, the sting something I could bare.

"If you're going to speak to me the way you did, every time  you're drunk I'm not interested in you being around my child." She says, rubbing her stomach. The stomach that has a person, half me half the women I love, growing in it.

"Lucy..." I say, as she walks past me. I make no move to stop her. She wouldn't stop if I called her name anyway. She wouldn't care.

Ashley's POV

We've been home about 15 minutes, I'm sitting in my room. Listening to Ian and Lucy talk, well it's more like fight but either way I know it's not good. Lucy's voice is strong but I don't have to look at her to know she is on the verge of tears. I don't know what's going on. Shay said Lucy and Ian are having trouble in paradise.

I hear Lucy enter the house. The sound of her sandals hitting the floor. The small scream she lets out as she passes my door. The way he steps seem heavier than before.

Ian follows behind minutes later. His steps slow, the sole of his dress shoes hitting the floor in a rhythmic pattern down the hall. His breaths shallow but loud.

As he passes my door his scream is different. Not a scream of agony or pain. Not even of sadness. It's of happiness. The word he yells is one no one has used since we met.

Pregnant.

Not as long as I usually do. But I figured I owed an update. I'm not sure if I'm taking this off hold. I just felt bad. Please don't hate me. I'll try to update again tomorrow. I have a little idea on what to do. Yes I deleted the last chapter but this is the version I like better. ❤️ love you guys.