Lucian, just believe *slow updates*

Truth

I walk back to my room and lay down on top of my duvet,I roll over and look at the wall. I groan and rub my hands over my face, knowing for sure I won't fall asleep for a while. I stand up from my bed and shut my door. Undressing quickly I put on some dark grey jogger's and a skin tight black tank top crop top. I pull my hair out of my french braid and drag a brush through it. 

A knock sounds on my door, "Lucy, Yani and I have a doctors appointment today, we can't help with Karen till we get back, around 4." Shay say's to me, and I sigh.

"Okay, why is it going to take so long?" I say back, shaking my  head. 

"We also have to go grocery shopping and to drop off some stuff to Sasha." She says, and I nod and tell her okay. 

I hear her footsteps leave toward the stairs, I grab the baby monitor and check on Karen, seeing if I have time for a shower, after seeing that she's sound asleep, I decide to rush into the shower. I strip and turn on the water, placing the baby monitor on the hamper right next to the shower. I wash my hair with Ian's two in one head and shoulders. I reach for my Vanilla Coconut body wash, and the washcloth. I hear Karen's cries, I sigh and shut off the water climb out, wrapping a fluffy green towel around me. 

I try and decide if I can get dressed before going to calm down Karen. By the sound of her deafening screams I quickly become aware I can't wait. I wrap the towel tighter around myself and speed walk to the room Karen is in. I open the door and pick her up, bouncing her on my hip, I grab a diaper and baby wipes, putting them in the baby bath. 

Carrying the crying baby and the baby bath full of diapers and baby wipes. I walk back to the bathroom, setting the baby bath on the toilet and grabbing another towel. Laying it out on the counter, I lay down the baby and reach for the diaper and wipes. Unzipping the footsie's and taking them off of her small fragile body. I open her diaper and clean her up, throwing the dirty diaper in the bathroom garbage. I pick her up and wrap her in the towel, before turning back to the bath tub. I pick up the baby bath, putting it in the big bath tub. I let the water flow over the  brim of the baby bath and set her in the tub, shutting off the water before grabbing the baby body wash that I assume Shay or Yani put in here earlier and start to wash her. 

-After bath- 

I finish  drying off Karen and head back to her room and look through the clothes we have for her before putting her in a green sundress. I smile at her before realizing I also need to get dressed. I pick her up and carry her to my room, laying her on the floor on a quilt. I make sure shes occupied before going and pulling out a green sundress of my own. I look back at Karen and smile, she looks up at me and smiles  and claps her hands together. 

"We match." I say, bending over to pick her up and heading to the body mirror in my room. I look at us before kissing her head. A knock at my door shocks me out of the trance I'm in, looking at me and Karen in the mirror. 

"It's me." I hear Ian say from the hallway. He opens the door and peeks his head in, his eyes scanning me and Karen."Nice, you guys match. It's cute." He says, walking in and hugging his arm around my waist. I smile at him and look at our reflection. 

"We look like a family." I say smiling, not realizing that this is what I want. I want our family, I want to be with him and our kids. But I can't have it, because I lost our kids, it's my fault. 

"Yeah, but she isn't ours." He says, kissing my cheek, his lips lingering. "But we could try to make another one of our own." He says, his breath fanning over my neck I shiver and look back at him and smile.