Truly, Madly, Deeply: A Dark Louis Tomlinson Fan Fiction

Chapter 37: Niall

Everyone always says that it hurts to fall in love. But what they forget to tell you is exactly how much.

I thought that I had it all figured it out. I'm popular, smart, athletic, everything anyone could ever dream of being. I've been offered a full ride to an Ivy League university as well as a successful X Factor audition under my belt. I look the part, I act the part, but without her, all of it meant absolutely nothing at all. She was the missing puzzle piece, without her in my life I would never completely be whole. She's my everything. She always has been, and she always will be.

All of this, all the pomp and circumstance that's seemed to surround my name since sophomore year, it's all been for her. The parties, the awards ceremonies, the championship soccer matches, I never missed a single one in the hope that she would come, that I would get to see her standing there in front of me with my own eyes rather than the ghost of a being that would sometimes pass me in the hallways, never saying a word, never sparing me a glance. I remember watching her sitting alone in the cafeteria with a full plate of food in front of her but never taking a bite, Eleanor's cruel words rolling straight off her as she stared emotionlessly at something off in the distance. Seeing her like that, it killed me, it really did. Sometimes. I wished that would say something, do something, just so that I could see that the old Stella was still alive in there somewhere. But she did nothing but waste away while I watched, guilt eating away at me, from the sidelines.

I was her Jay Gatsby and she was my Daisy Buchanan, a beautiful girl who had been destroyed by a very ugly world. Then that stupid stupid prick Louis Tomlinson had come along and Marcus Buchanan-ed his way into Stella's life, manipulating her into falling in love with him and ruining her life in the process. It made me sick, how little he cared for anyone but himself. I knew I had to do something, anything, to try and get her back before he took away the Stella I knew and loved for good. Was what I had done wrong? Absolutely, I wasn't afraid to admit it. But I had done what I had to do to make Stella mine again. To make sure that she was safe, and protected, and taken care of, three things Louis Tomlinson would never be able to achieve.

I was surprised when Ryder Hartley had called me. Mostly because I had no idea how he had gotten my number or what he could possibly want, but now I knew that it was best not to question his actions. He'd told me everything, about Louis' past, about the power vacuum in Miami's underground, and how we both wanted the exact same thing: Louis Tomlinson out of the way. As soon as he'd gotten around to explaining his deal with Stella, I knew that I shouldn't involve myself in this. That if I truly loved her, I would let her be with Louis and watch out for her from afar, like a real best friend would do. But the selfish part of me couldn't just stand back while she was with another man, especially one like him. So i'd listened on while he rambled off his proposal to me. It seemed simple enough. He'd make sure Louis did something that would break Stella's heart and then I could swoop in and pick up the pieces. It didn't seem too different from what we did every other day of the week.

But last night, when Eleanor had approached me at the dance and told me she was in on the plan, I almost backed out, I really did. Dealing with both her and Ryder was nothing more than dealing with the devil and his advocate, and I knew it couldn't have a happy ending. I'd watched as she'd switched the ballot boxes for Homecoming King and Prince so Louis would win, how she'd whispered in his ear as they danced together, and it wasn't hard to guess what part in this she was playing. It was going to kill Stella. It was going to completely eradicate the small part of her that had just come back alive. But i'd be there to comfort her, to show her once and for all why I was the right choice, and it would all fall into place eventually. But that was when everything went horribly, terribly wrong.

I hadn't even thought about sleeping with her, it had just sort of happened. She had wanted too, and there was no way in hell I was going to deny her. It had been perfect, everything last time wasn't, but then as usual, Louis had to come in and ruin everything at the last second. He'd been drinking all night, God only knows how he was even still standing at that point, but he'd certainly managed to do a number on me. I had a black eye, a split lip, various bruises all over my body, and most likely internal bleeding from when that asshole had hauled off and kicked me in the stomach. My mum had almost shit a brick when I had come home last night looking like this, but I didn't want to talk to her about it. I didn't want to talk to anyone but Stella, who freaking Perrie was keeping hostage in Coral Gables.

Gingerly, I tried to push myself up, but the sheer agony of doing so made me nauseous. I had been lying awake all morning, exhausted but unable to sleep from a mixture of physical pain and mental anguish from how guilty I was. I knew I was going to have to tell Stella eventually about what I had done, but now wasn't the time. Not when everything was so raw, so fresh, and she was so fragile. None of us involved in the mess were innocent, but it was her that was paying the price for all of our mistakes.

I reached for my phone, unlocking it to check my text messages. There was one from Liam, Harry, Zayn, my brother, but none from Stella. I frowned at the screen, willing the little green icon indicating I had a text message from her to pop up, but it never did. Perrie probably had her phone so that she wouldn't call Louis, which was understandable. I knew Stella loved me, but she loved him too, in a way that I would never be able to comprehend. I didn't know anything about their relationship, I wouldn't pretend too. But it was over now, I had made sure of that.

I opened up Stella's contact information and pressed on her number, calling her. It rang about five times and I was just about to get discouraged when I heard a small voice from the other end.

"Hello?" She asked groggily, sounding absolutely knackered. My heart went out to her, poor thing.

"Stella, love, it's Nialler. I just wanted to know how you were doing." I said cautiously, unsure of whether or not she would even want to talk to me.

"Oh, hi Niall." She replied wearily. "Yeah, i'm okay."

"You don't sound like it. Maybe I could come pick you up and take you to brunch?" I asked hopefully, knowing that I was probably pushing it, but I didn't care. I needed to see her, if I didn't I was going to go crazy laying here by myself.

"Niall..." She sighed. "I don't think that's such a good idea right now."

I started panicking. It was happening again, I was losing her, just like last time. "Why not? Baby, you need to let me take care of you."

"I just need some time." Stella replied. "There's a lot of stuff I need to take care of, and that I need to think through."

"So you'll let me fuck you without a second thought but going to lunch requires deep philosophical thinking?" I asked angrily, regretting the words as soon as they were out of my mouth. On the other end, Stella was dead silent. "I didn't..." I began, absolutely horrified. "Stella, I didn't mean that."

"Louis was right. Niall Horan's cum dumpster, that's all anyone thinks I am, including you." She said softly, and I could hear in her voice that she was trying not to cry. Please kill me now, I prayed, not believing what I had just said. I was just so unbelievably frustrated, so hurt that Stella couldn't just love me the all encompassing way that I loved her. No, I had to share her love with Louis, and I was stupid for thinking what had happened last night would change anything. Ryder had been wrong, sleeping with Stella hadn't made her realize that she was meant to be with me, it had made her realize just how crazy about Louis she was. No matter how hard I tried, I was always going to come in second.

"No!" I exclaimed. "I don't think that at all! I love you more than the air I breathe, you're my entire world, it just slipped out." I rambled, just making things worse.

"I have to go." She cut me off. "I'll see you tomorrow at school."

I groaned in frustration as my phone beeped, indicating that she had hung up. Why did this always have to happen? Why couldn't the two of us have the happy ever after that everyone else always seemed to? No matter how hard I tried to give Stella her fairytale ending, I always ended up failing miserably. I wasn't her knight in shining armor, not at all. That role was already taken.

With great difficulty, I pushed myself off my bed and stumbled towards the shower, undressing and letting the steaming hot water pour over me, hoping it would wash away all my problems. But after half an hour, I still felt like a dirty, selfish liar, no amount of scrubbing was going to change what I was on the inside.

Without even bothering to properly dry off, I dressed in jeans and a T-shirt with Nike trainers, too exhausted to do anything with my hair. Without it in it's usual quiff I looked about twelve years old, but I couldn't care less, not today. I was on a mission, and last time I checked trying to convince the love of your life that you're meant to be doesn't require a blow out.

I tiptoed down the steps as quietly as possible to avoid my mum, knowing she would launch nothing short of a full scale inquiry at my injuries. When I got to the driveway I practically sprinted towards my car, grateful once I was safely sequestered inside. Without a second thought that what I was about to do would have any repercussions, I started to drive towards Perrie's house in Coral Gables at a speed that may or may not have been entirely illegal. I made it there in about fifteen minutes, luckily all in one piece. I shouldn't have been driving in my current state. I shouldn't have attempted to come see Stella at all, but I needed to. I needed to try to establish some sort of order to this chaos we had all been plunged into, before it was too late for any of us.

I pounded on the door with my fist, yelling for Perrie. Finally, after about a minute, I heard loud footsteps and the door swung open. She was dressed more casually than I had ever seen her in faded cut offs and a Dolphins football jersey, her hair tied back in a bandanna.

Perrie's eyes flashed when she saw me, and I knew what she was thinking. That this was all my fault, that I had taken complete and utter advantage of a heartbroken Stella rather than even giving her the chance to talk things through with Louis. She was feeling the exact same hatred towards me that I felt towards myself.

"What do you want?" She asked maliciously, crossing her arms.

"I came to talk with Stel. Please Perrie, i'm begging you, just let me see her." I pleaded, trying to get through to her, but it was no use.

"Stella isn't here. A friend of hers came to pick her up about half an hour ago. Some blonde kid. But even if she was, I wouldn't let you speak to her. You disgust me." Perrie informed me, her eyes narrowed.

"Oh come on, stop fucking acting as if you know everything. You've been Stella's "best friend" for what now, a month? Well guess what, i've been around for eight years, and i'm not going anywhere." I sat down on the doorstep to prove my point."I'll just wait here until she comes back."

"Okay, do whatever you want. But just so you know, she's not coming back. She waited four years for you to return to her, and you never did. Why wouldn't she return the favor?" Perrie asked softly before stepping back into the house and closing the door behind her.

I put my head in my hands, trying not to think about how right she was. How ironic it was how much the tables had turned since December 7th, 2009. Now it was me left abandoned on some random stoop on some random street, pining for a lost love that had been found by someone else before I could even begin to look for it.

I had loved Stella for so long, I didn't even think about it anymore. It was just a part of my everyday life, like getting dressed or doing my homework. But it could be seen in everything I did. Every slight movement, every fleeting subconscious thought, it lead a paper trail right back to her. But I had gotten so used to this love always being there that I had just taken it for granted, losing the appreciation that had once made it so special. The newness of it all, the high from having someone there to give the best part of you to, even when that part wasn't all that great. Yes, it had been in pieces, but I had given Stella the best of me. Now all that I had left was the part that nobody could possibly want anything to do with.

"Well, fancy seeing you here." Came an icy cold voice. I immediately looked up, not surprised at all at who was standing in front of me. I had known he would come back, he was just as obsessed with her as I was. I had to admit though, he looked a lot more worse for wear then I did. There were bags under his eyes, a layer of stubble on his jaw, and bruises littering his tattooed arms. A cigarette dangled from his lips, but it didn't make him look cool or mysterious, more like a deranged tweaker than anything.

"You're out of luck, Tomlinson." I said wearily. "She left, with some blonde kid. At least that's what happened according to Perrie."

"I wouldn't exactly say that i'm out of luck. I ran into you didn't I?" He smirked, his tone eerily reminiscent of Ryder Hartley's.

"What are you saying?" I asked, more confidently than I was feeling. I wasn't scared of Louis himself, more like what he was capable of when he was angry.

"What i'm saying Horan, is that we should finish this once and for all." He sneered, tossing the cigarette to the ground and crushing it under his shoe. "You got lucky yesterday, but now Liam isn't here to protect you. Let's see how you fend for yourself, shall we?"

"Yeah, let's see." I replied before I could even think twice. This wouldn't end well, but the again it never did. As Bob Dylan once said "when you got nothing, you got nothing to lose"

Game on, Tomlinson. I may have nothing to lose, but that sure as he doesn't mean I wont do anything I can to win.