How to unlove someone

The last chapter

I am done with him. And consequently, this book is done as well. Yes, I still think about him. Yes, I still write poems about the way I wished he had been. Never about the way he actually was, because there is really nothing poetic about that. I still go through phases of missing him, of wondering why we end up like this, but I am done. This is over.

My feelings for him might never be neutral, he might always linger around my head, messing with my thoughts. But I know that he is a completely different person than the one I fell in love with. Because it is clear to me now that I did not fall in love with a person. I fell in love with the way I wanted this person to be. This is not healthy. Not at all. It's not something that I deserve and it's not something I will allow myself to ever fall for in the future.

I want to focus on myself. Turn my entire existence into a work of art. I want to read books, watch movies and write as much as I can. I want to do my makeup and wing my eyeliner and hang out with my friends. I want to visit museums and walk around the city center like a tourist with the camera I've always wished to buy. I want to set goals. I want to achieve them with nothing holding me back.

And I know that eventually I will find love. I will find someone that will make me fall in love with every inch of his body and soul. Someone who deserves to have poems written about. I know that that moment will come, maybe tomorrow, maybe in ten years. I don't really mind. I want to focus on making my soul as beautiful as I can before I can learn to appreciate someone else's beauty.

I want to work for myself and myself only so please bear with me as I experiment with different things. I want to write like this. Because I want to not because I need to. See, I have always lost interest in things easily, but not in writing, never in writing.

So this is it. I would love to write about how it feels to transform my life and maybe I will (who knows really?!) but for now I want to focus on actually living the moments and writing about the moments I want to live.

I am sorry for being terrible at updating this book and I wish you found even a tiny bit of inspiration.

I send you guys all the best and most positive vibes. I really hope you can go out there and achieve what you want. However, even if you don't end up being a CEO I wish you end up happy with the life you live. And trust me on one thing, this is the biggest thing one can achieve in their lives.

Sending all my love, hugs and positive energy

Jenny