How to unlove someone

When I think of him

In between family problems, school pressure and HIS tendency to try and get back to talking to me I found myself feeling depressed (before I posted last chapter of course). While I was in a really bad mood and also had to deal with the loss of a really loved person, I realized that I started to think about him again.

Going back to all of the times that I was sad about him I realized that I was already sad from one thing or another. That have been my family, my grades or just my usual depression but nonetheless I was feeling pretty sh*tty.

Why do I think of him so much when I am depressed?

I have two different scenarios in my head, so let me break them down for you.

First of all, I might be using HIM as a getaway from these problems. His thought might be not another thing to make me feel sad but something to relieve me even temporarily. So I use the good memories, the good words or the good attitude he has right now and use that to make myself feel better or just built up my hopes waiting and hoping that this time it will be different.

The second option is that I have associated HIM with the bad times I went through last year. As a result every time I go through a similar emotion I immediately think about him as well. This means that in my head, depression and losing him were just as bad experiences and just as good examples of the worst period of my life.

So as I was thinking about all these, after getting over the depressive "episode" if I can call it that way, I promised myself I would not let me fall so low again. For him, for depression, for anyone. This is why I decided I will be working really hard to achieve my goals and try to do as many things as possible to get there.

I really apreciate everyone reading this right now.

Please let me know what you think because I really do need a hand here.

Lots of love

Jen