How to Say 사랑해 Out Loud

Chapter 22

I hope the timing of Sangmoon's escape left an impression for the students to stand at their lockers and whispers "OMG" comments about what they have witnessed. I hope there was a lot of time in the locker rooms for the football players to hear about the "crazy," and for my teammates to do the same before practice.

The next morning, I'm trying not to worry about Sangmoon, or more honestly, trying not to worry about conversations about Sangmoon. We have an away game against Busan Arts High, and we follow our usual routine the team is meeting for breakfast at the cafe down the road to "fuel up" for the day.

It means getting up earlier than usual, but I actually like team breakfasts. Krystal and I always drive to the cafe together, and by the time we leave to go to school, we're hopped into team spirit, coffee with a lot of sugar and milk, and candies we buy at the cashier when we pay our bills. We turn up the radio as we drive, and I'm always in a great mood by homeroom.

I don't want to think about anyone's stupid comments ruining the traditions.

Krystal and I enter the cafe as twins, both already in uniform, wearing plaid skirts, our matching hoodies, and colored ribbons in our hair. It's an added bonus of the game day, not having to plan an outfit ur night before, knowing we'll be wearing the right thing without trying.

Jiyoung has reserved the king table in the middle of the cafe. She is seated at the middle, drinking orange juice instead of coffee, with Yoona on her right. She greets Krystal brightly and compliments her new sneakers, but offers me little more than half a smile. I swear she stares at me a second too long as I find a seat down the table.

Instantly, I'm in edge, fearing the worst, that her greet is in purpose and has something to do with what the boys reported from the playground. I mean, if Seung Gi said anything to Yoona, she would quickly report to Jiyoung.

Then I tell myself to relax. If Jiyoung heard anything, if Jiyoung suspected anything, I'm sure if get worse than a half smile.

I sit down, Scooby closer to the table, and order a cup of coffee. But the playground incident is back into my mind, even though I've shoved it out of there many times already.

I sigh and stare at my coffee when it is place in front of me. The idea of Sehun not loving Jiyiung doesn't make me feel particularly happy. It doesn't mean anything for me, and it doesn't change anything about our situation. Maybe he was just ranting to me as the friend he believed me to be. Maybe he just needed someone trustworthy to rant to.

I draw in a breath as I remember the way he looked at me in the bathroom, and I feel my cheeks warm.

Sehun wasn't just ranting. I know it. I've been ignoring the realization all weekend because I have no idea what to do with it, but I know it all the same.

Through my distracted thoughts, I order my usual - bacon and eggs. Our order arrives within minutes, but I'm still trying to process my feelings for the Sehun situation, chewing thoughtfully on my eggs as I stare blankly.

The noise around me is loud and clear, but even either enthuse factors at play, I hear the words clearer through the noise. I didn't catch who says them, but I recognized the sentence.

"So I heard the crazy kid was back at it again yesterday. Does anyone know his name?"

Before the subject of Sangmoon is introduced, there are six different conversation going on. All of a sudden, there's only one topic at the table.

Not that anyone is able to answer the question about Sangmoon's name, which is sad. He doesn't even get a name, just an awful nickname, "the crazy kid."

Jiyoung places the glass of orange juice down no the table. "Yeah, it getting totally stupid," she says. "I'm a senior. I'm sending in my college applications soon. Grades count now. I'm sitting there, trying to finish my exam yesterday, look out the window, and see this nonsense. Straight out of from a movie or something we had to watch in Psychology. People chasing this kid, whoever he is, back and forth across the grass, and he's laughing and smiling like its some game, before he drops down with his legs in the air, like a bug." She pauses for shock gasps. "And that was all before he took off his pants and shoes."

My cheeks redden and I wish I could disappear.

My mom didn't mention the removing clothes. My instinct told me that Jiyoung wasn't lying, and that Eomma had chosen to spare me some of the information of Sangmoon's display.

I cringe, picturing his cartoon boxers from the laundry basket. What are the chances he wasn't wearing something totally mortifying yesterday? What are the chances I can find any way to perceive this situation as less than totally mortifying.

"These kids just really don't belong here," Yoona speaks up. "I mean, this is supposed to the best school district, right? We're in the cover of Ivy Club magazine every year. But these are the stories that never get talked about. Like how they're allowing the school to be turned into a clown circus."

Jiyoung nods her head in agreement. "Well, I told my parents about it, for one. And I told Sehun to make sure his father knows exactly what's been happening also. He's on the school board - he has to be able to do something."

Again, I swear I felt Jiyoung looking in my direction.

For just a second, I wish I had the balls to look up and meet her gaze.

You don't need to do anything, I want to tell her. He'll be leaving here soon. Just let it go.

There's something else I'd really like to tell her, too.

And Sehun will never help you, not the way you want him to.

He's in the process of building a playground for kids with disabilities and she can think she'll get him to get my brother out of school, I allow myself to feel satisfied.

But she manages to ruin everything, like always.

As she stands up and pushes in her chair to leave, and spoke in a clear voice. "Don't worry about it," she promises Yoona. "I'm not going to let it go. I know the parents don't know what's going on, and it's annoying that it's just allowed to happen." She shakes her head. "That'll change."

I'm suddenly feeling sick. Jiyoung is determined, and when she's determined, she gets what she wants.

Please let it go, Jiyoung. I beg inside my head. Just let it go, please.

I drag my feet following the crowd to the counter, where we pay our checks one by one. I shake my head when Krystal offers me a lollipop and buy a pack of gums instead.

I'm not in a good mood heading to homeroom. I have a sick feeling in my stomach that stays all day.