How to Say 사랑해 Out Loud

Chapter 14 (3/3)

 . . . Back in the Present . . .

Sitting in the darkness, staring through trees at the Sacred bonfire over a year later, I remember all of my reasons for acting the way I did, how important and powerful they felt at the time.

But even more clearly . . . I remember what it felt like when Sehun held me close. I consider the ridiculous, ever-present distance between us now, and more tears run down my cheeks. I am so alone, all the time, even when I'm surrounded by people. Sometimes I get really tired of the walls, and I wish I had the strength to just go at them with a hammer.

I try to contain my tears, because the last thing I want to do is draw attention back here.

I shake my head at the irony of it all.

The main reason I pushed Sehun away was my reluctance to tell him about my life and my family. Yet tonight, I ended up doing so anyway. If I knew it was going to end up this way, I would have let him keep kssing me that night. Maybe I would have let him stay there, under my skin.

Fear's more powerful than desire, I guess. I'm no braver now, anyway, so it's silly to think about.

I take off his hoodie, fold it, and hide it in the crook of my arm before going back to the party.

 . . . . This was Part 3 of the flashback . . .

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