Real Life

6.

I laid there it has been a week since the big fight with Matthew and four since Lola passed it was cancer and i had lost my job ever time I thought about it I cried I was in bed clutching a hoodie Matthew left over here I started crying fresh salty tears my face warming up from the cold tears I had cried moments before I wanted to go back to the six months ago where I was sitting on my patio Lola at my feet thinking about how my life was great now it sucks I lost the two most important people in my life other than my family and Julia and Alexis

I had gotten up and wiped my eyes I lost some weight I have ate much or slept I grabbed a glass my hands must have been really shaky or wet but the glass slid through my hands landing by my foot

Bright black red blood oozed out of my foot and cried not because it hurt because I just kept messing up there was a knock on my door " hold on " i said through my tears

I wrapped my foot up and swept the glass up I didn't even care what I looked like I had messy bun in and it was probably wrecked and my face was probably puffy and red and I was wearing a tee shirt and grey sweats I limped over to the door and opened it

I couldn't believe it

" hi " he said his eyes blood shot and his close were messed up to his hair was a mess

He looked me up and down and closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose and looked up he had a backpack on his back he bit his lip " I came to apologize " he started and then shook his head " it's a lie I came here to see you , I miss you , I miss your thick brown hair and your smile , I miss how you get nervous around me and how I could look over and see you " by then I was in tears I missed him in general " I miss how when you get mad or upset your scrunch your nose up or how your lip curls when you constraint I-I miss how much I was scared to do this " he grabbed me hugged me held me close to his chest that's when I just crumbled in his arms my legs just gave in he picked me up bridal style and carried me to my room kicking the door shut I clung to his shirt scared this was a dream he laid us down and I turned facing his and he held me he kissed my head " Matthew " I said he looked at me in the eyes " I forgot " I said he laughed and wiped my eyes and held me tight I kissed his cheek and I smiled this what I needed

We both fell asleep I had woken up stretching his mouth was open a gap " I think I love you " I said snuggling into him

I woke up once more but Mathew wasn't there I jumped up and ran into the living room my foot hurting like crazy " Matthew  " I said running I got right to the kitchen and I seen him I ran and jumped in his arms arms he put his hands under my thighs and I wrapped my legs around his torso and my arms around his neck " well good morning " he laughed " you were gone " I said " no I would never leave you. " he said kissing my head we stayed there until he put me on the counter but I still wouldn't let him go with my legs I pulled him closer not knowing where this was going he looked down at me I was nervous

He leaned down to ear " I made reservation to the loft "

I closed my eyes as he put soft kisses on my ears and then the hollow part of my neck and down to my collar bone I shut my eyes really tight he put his hands on my inner thighs and I bit my tounge he rubbed my inner thigh moving up still kissing my neck never touching my lips he was close to touching me I freaked " stop , stop stop stop please stop " I said pushing him  away he looked at me he looked almost scared " did I do something wrong " he asked "no far from it , but I don't think we are ready "  I said " well I'm not , just I don't know " I said running my hands through my hair " hey I'm sorry " he said holding me

" let's get ready and eat " he said kissing my head I nodded and smiled