I’m there for you always
Every night, every day
I help you in and out of problems
You cry to me, I help you through
Everything that’s so tough for you
Yet I get this
I take a little time to myself
Which means you search for other help
But replace me for good
No longer you want to be friends
Though you said we’d be to the end
But you had to leave
Like everyone
All you do is run
From what you’re scared of most
Things could work out
If you had taken a new route
If only you had tried
Your loss, I can’t change your mind
And all I ever did was be kind
I don’t deserve what you’re doing to me
I was there
You were, I don’t know where
But now, you have disappeared
Melanie, was always a pessimist, no matter what you said, she’d always look down. This time it was about me going to a different school this year.
‘We haven’t talked in awhile Addie.’
‘I know I’m sorry, I’ve been busy.’
‘I needed you..’
‘I’m sorry, I’ve had stuff going on.’
‘It’ll be like this next year too.’
‘No it won’t I’m still here for you.’
‘I found someone to talk to.’
‘That’s good, I’m always here too you know.’
‘I don’t think we should be friends anymore Addie. I’m sorry.’
‘What?! Why?!’
‘Because, next year you are going to a different school, we won’t see each other. What’s the point.’
‘What the hell, that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, we can still hang out!’
‘What’s the point.’
I was getting so mad at her. After everything I did for her! After everything we’ve been through. She was one of my best friends! She’s breaking up with me?! What the fuck!
‘Whatever bye.’
I through the phone across the room and it hit the wall and fell apart. I began crying in anger and in loss. I heaved for breaths through sobs until I was dizzy. I lied down and stared at the ceiling spinning above me. I thought of cutting. I thought of the promise I made Gavin. I need to relieve this somehow…
I rolled over and grabbed my journal and a pen and began scribbling down my feelings in a poem. It was quick, it came to me easily. I wrote until I was satisfied. I didn’t look back; I shut it and put it away. Once I had calmed down I walked to my phone, put the battery back in and checked for damage; seemed fine. I turned it on. I deleted my messages from Melanie and texted Gavin.
‘Your friend Veronica has some nerve you know. She hates me for some reason. It’s dumb.’
‘Um…I’m sorry?’
‘I was texting her earlier. And Rissa.’
“Oh.’ I decided I wasn’t going to tell him about Melanie anymore.
Later that night I went to go take a shower. I started it and turned on the fan. I was about to get undressed when I received a message from Gavin.
‘I don’t know how we can date if your friends hate me.’
Fuck. Shit shit shit. I frantically texted him back. No answer I texted him again. I threw my phone on the ground and started pacing in my room. My breathing became more rapid. This was all too much for one day. I ran my fingers through my hair and started pulling, taking out strands and leaving them in my path. I finally grabbed my phone and called him, sinking down at the foot of my bed letting the tears tumble out. It rang 5 times. I hung up and called again.
“Hello.”
“Gavin…” I said with a mouthful of tears.
“Addie…calm down I’m not breaking up with you. Calm down baby…I love you.”
“Mhm.” I mumbled between sobs.
“I always will…”
I started sobbing, I wanted to tell him everything that happened today. I wanted to tell him it was all too much, but I couldn’t. I had to be strong.
“I’m…going…t-t-to…shower.” I sobbed.
“I love you Addie.
“Love you too..bye.”
I hung up and wiped the tears off it. I took a deep breath and let the tears stop. In the shower I began thinking. I couldn’t tell if it was tears or the shower on my face, until I couldn’t breathe. I sat down the world spinning around me. I was losing everyone. I was losing myself. My sight started to get black and splotchy, I wanted to scream. Where was I? What is this? What’s happening to me…?
It was just all too much…
