****Video in the side link if you want to listen to the song****
No one understands what it's like. He was the second half to me. I put my all into him. Right at this moment, is when I loved, and despised him the most. He came back, just to leave again. I had talked to him after that night at the fair through Alex's new phone. But Sunday he had returned to the fair to hang out with Penny.
The next day I got on the bus and Penny wasn't there. Carrey got on and took the seat behind me. She looked at me with an urgent face.
"Penny made out with Jake last night at the fair." She blubbered. I sat there in shock. Penny had known I'd liked him. Why the hell would Jake do that the day after coming to see me? Had I meant nothing to him? Was this all just a joke to him? It felt like I'd just been punched in the gut.
"Just don't tell Penny I told you." She whispered and sat back.
The whole day my thoughts rambled on and on throughout the day, but acted as if nothing bothered me. I sorted things out with Julia and she wasn't as mad, but she didn't want me to go back to Jake. I had told her about Penny and all she had to say to that was "Slut." When the bell rang I rushed to the bus hoping Penny would be on hoping what I had heard wasn't true. But when she got on, a guilty smile grew across her face.
"Addie, I think I might have done something wrong." She smiled guiltily, like it was some sort of joke.
"I know, you made out with Jake."
"Who told you?"
"I have my ways, you knew I liked him why did you do that?" I questioned.
"I don't know! I was just hanging out with him and it kind of just happened! I'm sorry! But you're not allowed to talk to him or see him anyways, plus you guys aren't dating why would it matter?"
Why would it matter?! It matters because I love him! It matters because he meant the world to me! It matters because I'd do anything just to hear his comforting voice just one more time! It matters because I wasn't ready to let go of him!
"You're right." I said and turned around. I wanted to cry. But I didn't, I pushed my anger and my jealousy and my sorrow deep down inside and gave up. She had won him.
A day didn't go by when I hadn't thought of him. About a month and a half later, I finally got my things back and was able to text and listen to my music. Music didn't help much at all. Every song had some way to connect with Jake. One was All Again for You, by We the Kings. The words in the chorus reminded me how I felt for him. He hurt me, he left me, but I would do it all again for him. If I could take back those nights filled with long hearted conversations, now the night is silent, and it swallows me up. It scares me. If I could go back to the fair and make that night more worth living. I let him down and I let myself down. I messed it up. It was my fault. If only I had erased those texts...
It was the beginning of November and the air was just starting to get crisp and cool. The wind shook the dying trees blowing the orange and brown leaves to the ground. There were workers across the road at the soccer field leaf blowing as I pulled into the school. I got off the bus wrapping my sweatshirt around me a little tighter so the cold couldn't get in.
The day went by quick, but as I was walking out I got a text from my mom.
'Hannah will be remembered by her loving and caring friends when she moves.'
WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! I quickly texted her back, panicking inside; I knew that us moving was a possibility, but out of the town? Out of my school district?! What!
'We aren't moving out of the district right?' I texted her back.
'No'
'Promise?'
'I promise.' My heart started to settle down.
Later that night when my mom got home she pulled me over to the kitchen to talk to her. She started talking about moving and how we found someone who wants the house.
"We also found a house...in Lebanon..."
My heart skipped a beat and instant tears started running down my face.
