Eddsworld X Reader: Oneshot Policy Dicks 'n' Shit

Jon x Reader : Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

You weren't exactly 'good friends' with him.

He wasn't...

Into talking.

You'd assume it's because, every time he opens his mouth, Eduardo hits him.

You thought he was adorable, at times.

He just, wouldn't talk to you.

Or look at you.

Or pay attention to you.

Or anything.

You sigh as you walk the streets of London, the cold air nipping at your cheeks, forcing a gentle hue out of it's hiding.

It was quite late and the streets were pretty much empty, but you needed some things from the store.

You enter the market, grab a basket and begin your hunt for items.

As you're heading for the last thing on your list, you notice there's only one of them left.

Eggs.

One carton of 12 large eggs.

For your dinner. Yummy.

As you're walking towards them, you notice somebody else walking towards them. You really don't care who they are, but it looks like they're trying to take these eggs.

And, while you could go and get some other brand of eggs from some other store, you see the world differently.

Life is a fucking GAME to you.

It's a race.

And you.

Must.

Win.

You immediately run to the eggs, which makes the person, probably caught up in the moment, run for them too.

You reach the eggs before whoever they are, and are about to claim your prize.

The eggs.

You smile at them, place your hand on the-

Another hand.

There's somebody else's hand on yours.

That's gay.

"Hands off," You begin, looking over to whoever the FUCK this person is. "These eggs are mi-"

It's Jon.

Oh, boy.

"Mine. These eggs are mine, get away."

"But I need them! This is the last one, and this is the only store open this late! Please, just- Let me take 'em!" He begins to plead. You consider it, but ultimately decide that these eggs are yours. "I need them for breakfast tomorrow!"

Your hand is actually ON the carton, after all. And his is on yours. He doesn't seem to really care about it.

But, you do.

You don't want boy cooties from Jon.

That's gross.

Plus, you need to win life.

You need these eggs.

For your life mission.

Of life.

"But, Jon." You start off, a grin on your face. He seems rather confused. "Wouldn't- heh- wouldn't that be cannibalism?"

You begin to giggle, placing a hand over your mouth to try and stifle your noises.

"Did you..... Did you just call me an egg?" He seems a little hurt, but more confused than anything.

Honestly, he looks really fucking cute. But, you'd never say that.

Not to his face, at least.

Or to anybody.

Or to yourself.

That would be really fucking weak.

And you can't be weak. You need to be strong. To win.

"What's it to you?" You say, doing your best not to sound as though you're about to burst out laughing. As life would have it, you do a horrible job. Your voice is an octave or two higher than you'd prefer, but so be it.

"I...." He glances to the carton, eyes widening as he realizes-

His hand is on yours.

And you don't seem to actually give a fuck.

Jon suddenly gets an idea, and his face is a blank slate for a single moment.

He grips your hand, his palm warm and soft on yours. He makes it so your hand lifts off the carton,  presented to him with your knuckles in view, your fingers being held so fucking sweetly by his that you can't help but ignore the fact he may be trying to steal your eggs.

He raises your hand to his face, a clear scarlet on his face. "I'd gladly be your egg."

And he kisses your knuckles.

So

Fucking

sweetly

You can't help but feel like a metaphorical cavity is forming in your mouth. You feel your heart beat extremely fast, a gentle sweat beginning on your forehead. Your face begins to get hot.

You're losing.

You're losing, and you know it. Your eyes glance to the eggs, and you notice he's trying to take them with his other hand.

You snatch the eggs up, still feeling extremely awkward over how you almost lost your eggs.

"Then skip out on Eduardo and join your family." You say as you place the eggs in your basket.

"They'll die without you." 

His face is so fucking red, you couldn't believe it.

His eyes are slightly wide, as if he didn't understand what you had just said to him.

"So, you prefer eggs for breakfast? I'll keep that in mind for the morning after."

The amount of red in his face is now concerning you.

"Oh shit, you look like you're gonna pass out. Are you okay?"

He lets out a big huff of air, as though he had been holding his breath for hours on end.

"Jon? Are you doin' alright?"

"That was really smooth, (Y/N)"

You then grin.

You're winning.

"So, you comin' over or not?"

"Why, 'cause you're an egg sucker?" He then smiles, his face losing a tad bit of redness.

"I only suck certain kinds of eggs," You wink, turning around and beginning to walk away.

You grin as you hear the tapping of his shoes on the tile floor coming after you.

"I don't suppose one night over'll hurt."