What He Left Behind

Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Once Nate and I were back home, I put him to bed and tucked him in, and then sat on the sofa, just staring at the wall.

How could Noah just walk away? He loved his son, and I could clearly see it, but he didn’t seem to be able to accept it. I let out a huge sigh, my shoulders slumped over my body as tears ran down my face. I leant against the soft cushions, putting my arms around myself, comforting myself.

I lay there for hours, the clock in the hallway chiming quietly as every hour passed, welcoming the new one. I tossed and turned on the sofa, and I kept checking the front door to see if Noah had magically appeared outside my house, of course, he hadn’t.

“Mummy, where’s that man gone?” I looked up at the doorway, and there stood Nathan, with his teddy loosely held in his hand, and his other thumb in his mouth. He walked over to me and sat on my lap. I turned on the television and put on his favourite children’s programme, and kept running my hands through his hair, hoping to distract him from his earlier question. He began to scratch his face, but I held his hands in my own, so he was unable to scratch.

“Nu-huh bubba, you don’t want to scratch your face, because it will get worse and hurt more and you won’t want that will you?” He shook his head, and leant up against me, as I wrapped my arms around him, cuddling him.

“Who was that man mumma?” He asked again, several minutes later. I sighed, unable to think of something to tell him. That man was a friend? That man was a cousin? That man was… I couldn’t think of anything to tell him but the truth, and I didn’t want to lie to my little boy, what lesson would I be teaching him then? That lying is the right thing to do? But then, Nathan would be expecting to see his daddy again, and I couldn’t guarantee that; at all. Oh Noah, why do you have to make things so difficult?

“That man was…your daddy Nate…” I looked at his little face, searching for a problem in his expression to show he was upset, but saw nothing like that. Instead, he smiled, and hugged me tighter. I kissed the top of his head, and we carried on watching Tv, without him asking anymore questions.

*

I took Nathan with me to Bella’s apartment block in London. The couple lived in a posh, expensive part of the city and invited my son and I round theirs at any time, without the need of calling. I was extremely grateful for their offer and decided that the best thing I could do, was get Bella’s opinion of everything.

We stepped into the lobby, and walked over to the desk. Nathan was so amazed by the impressive building, that we were practically walking at the pace of a snail.

“Hello? Can I help you?” The receptionist looked at me, her fake smile showing off her extremely white teeth. I nodded, before asking for directions to Blake and Bella’s room.

“Oh, I’m ever so sorry miss, but the couple on that floor are exclusive, and only have a small guest list. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be your name on this list. If you would be so kind and leave the building, thank you.” She motioned her hand towards the door, as if she was swatting a fly away, and she then went back to her work, and left me standing there like an idiot. I pulled out my phone from my bag and called Bella.