Give Me Therapy

Nightmares and memories.

do you ever just suddenly get really excited about writing and you want to write another ten chapters but know you're probably not even going to finish one? yeah, that's me right now 

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It's raining like crazy, and the sound of it is the only thing breaking the slightly uncomfortable silence. I stare out of the passanger seat window and try to concentrate on the sunset. 

"I'm sorry, Ever. I didn't mean for it to sound to harsh. I just, I think you should tell someone about it." she says quietly.

I sigh. "If I tell someone they'll make me stop. That blade is the only thing I have right now." 

And before either of us can say another word, our whole world is flipped over. My vision blurs in my sudden panic, and I can't see a thing. But, I don't need to. I know what's happening.

A sharp intake of breath, a scream. An earsplitting crash, and a shower of glass. A swirl of pitch darkness.

A final, deafening silence.

"Ever! Ever, calm down, stop screaming. It's okay." 

I sit bolt up right, almost smashing my head on the bunk above me. My heart is beating so fast I can barely feel it, and I'm struggling to breathe. I look around restlessly, trying to see through the tears that are filling my eyes. 

"Shh, Ever it's okay, I'm here." I whip my head round to see Alex crouching next to my bunk, squeezing my hand and looking concerned. "Nightmare?" 

I wipe the tears from my eyes and nod, feeling ashamed. Alex sighs, slipping his shoes off and climbing into my bunk. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and I bury my head in his jacket. "You wanna talk about it?" He asks gently.

"I- it was just-" I try my hardest to form the words, but it's almost as if my mouth has a mind of it's own. I can't speak, the words won't come. They're just sitting there on my tongue, afraid. 

"Come on, you can talk to me. Sometimes you just need to get this stuff off your chest, out of your mind." He says reassuringly, tracing small circles on my arm with his thumb. 

I take a deep breath. "I was in a car crash. I was really close with one of the older kids from the carehome, she was like a sister to me. She had taken me out for dinner and we were driving back home. She saw my scars, and we talked about it. It was the first time I'd spoken to anyone about it, she understood, she knew how I felt. But I was stubborn. She was trying to encourage me to tell someone, someone who could help me, but I wouldn't. We argued a little, and then a truck flew into the side of the car, flipping it over and leaving one of us unconscious, and the other dead." I sigh, glancing at Alex, "that dream wasn't so much a nightmare as a memory, I guess." 

Alex lets out a deep breath and drags a hand through his hair. "Ever, I'm so sorry," he whispers, wrapping both arms around me and pulling me into his chest. "I know what it's like to lose someone you care about," he mumbles into my hair. I screw my eyes up, thinking about his brother. I never knew Tom, and it still breaks my heart to hear people talk about it. I look down at Alex's left hand, tracing a finger over the rose inked into it. He presses a kiss to the top of my head, his lips lingering there for a second, before resting his chin there instead. A small smile forms on my own lips at that small bit of contact. It's crazy how such a simple gesture can make someone feel so... Wanted. I lived in the care home for sixteen years and I never felt at home, like I fit in. I've been on this bus barely a few days, and I already feel like I belong. 

I lift my head to face Alex, carefully turning in his arms. "Hey, you okay?" I ask gently. He nods, smiling lopsidely and squeezing me a little, "yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking about it you know?" 

"Yeah, I know. It'll be okay." I mumble, burying my face in his neck.

* * * *

I wake up to the smell of bacon. I attempt to sit up, but realise Alex's arms are still wrapped around me. Smiling softly, I kiss his cheek and gently move his arms, letting them fall into his lap. The smell of bacon starts to wake up the others, who all walk past my bunk and into the kitchen, smiling and saying "good morning" and giving me high fives on their way. I jump down after them, still smiling, and quickly escape into the bathroom to wash my face. The cold water is refreshing, and I feel much more awake. I lift my head and look in the mirror, examining the ebony mess that falls around my shoulders and covers most of the left side of my face. I sigh and grab the hair brush I left by the sink, dragging it through the tangled chaos, hoping to restore some form of normality to it. A knock on the door distracts me, and I turn around, leaving the brush stuck in my hair around a few tangles. "Yeah?"

"Ever, baby, it's Jack. Can I come in?" he says, and I hear the smirk in his voice. He's such a flirt. 

I roll my eyes and giggle, "of course, Jacko, I'm just brushing my hair." I turn back around to the mirror and watch as he opens the door, with the smirk as I had imagined it. "Whats up?"

"I just need to get the jeans I left in here yesterday," he says casually, pointing to the pair of scrumpled up skinnies laying across the floor next to the shower. I raise an eyebrow as he walks slowly towards me, resting a hand on the wall above my head so his face is a few inches from mine. He stares intently into my eyes, but that smirk is still there, tugging at the corners of his lips. I can't help but laugh, shaking my head. "You're such an idiot Jack!"

He winks in reply, making me giggle, before bending down and grabbing his jeans from the floor and leaving the bathroom with a camp wiggle of his fingers. I put my brush back down and start to make my way to the kitchen area, tugging the hair band from my wrist and tying my hair in a messy bun. I have to stifle a laugh at the sight of Flyzik in an apron. It appears he hears me though, because he whips his head round and glares directly at me. "Shut it, Ever, I look fabulous." he insists, a hint of a smile on his face. 

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say, Matthew, whatever you say."

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That authors note at the beginning, I wrote that like a month and a half ago. I got fed up half way through writing this chapter, just as I said I would *winks* BUT I'M BACK NOW, AND I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL OF YOU FOR POSTING SUCH LOVELY COMMENTS AND MAKING ME FEEL SO LOVED AND LIKED AND WONDERFUL, I APPRECIATE YOU ALL. I won't guarantee any chapters because we all know I suck at updating but hopefully I'll get back into the swing of it and start updating more often :') thankyou for sticking with me, I hope you enjoy this. Much love <3