Give Me Therapy

The care home.

"I know it was a while ago and you're probably fed up of telling people, but if you want to talk to me about it, I'll listen," Alex says softly.

I laugh bitterly, "I have no one to tell, no one gives a damn." Alex's face falls. "What do you mean? There must be someone, where did you go when you left the hospital?"

"Back to the care home. The overcrowded hell hole a few blocks from here. I don't know why they call it a care home, nobody cares. They just watch us, make sure we don't escape." I explain angrily, looking at the floor.

"Look, even if they don't care, I do. You can tell me about it, let everything off your chest. I have time, we don't play until seven." He smiles encouragingly. I fidget awkwardly with my sleeves and look up, expecting that patronising sympathetic expression people throw so carelessly. But Alex's face is the opposite of what I'd anticipated. He's still smiling, a sad but upbeat smile. I turn the corners of my lips upwards slightly and nod. "I'd like that," I whisper. Alex takes my hand gently and waves to the guys, who nod in understanding. We walk for a while in silence while I try to form the words in my head. There's a field a few feet away, and Alex steers me towards it, walking right into the middle and sitting down; patting the place next to him. I follow his lead and sit cross legged on the grass - the rest of the field is empty and seems to go on for miles. I look around curiously while trying to find something suitable to say.

"Why did you do it?" Alex whispers gently. I sigh and turn my head to face him, a sad smile falling across my lips.

"It was the only thing I had left. Everyone I once knew was long gone, the only ones I had left were the voices in my head. The voices that told me I was never good enough. That I was a wreck, a burden, and that I would always be alone. I knew they were right; I had no reason to be on this planet. I still don't. The care home doesn't want me, the family I had didn't want me, I don't go to school so I'll never be of use to anyone in this world. Death was the last comfort I had." I explain, gaining confidence.

"What about music, Ever?" Alex asks, looking almost hurt.

"Music always meant the world to me. It was one of the few things I loved about life. But the voices drowned it out. They used to contradict everything the singer would say. Tell me to give up hope when the song told me to hang on. And the voices were more powerful than anything else." I shrug, picking at the grass on either side of me.

"What about the voices now..? Do you still hear them?"

"Every now and then. But I don't pay attention to them. I don't pay attention to much anymore."

"Tell me your story, Ever. From the beginning." Alex says, taking my hand and rubbing smooth circles on my palm.

"I don't remember it from the beginning, the care home is all I've ever known. I was an accident; my parents wrapped me in a blanket and left me at the side of the road in the middle of the night, leaving me to be found in the morning. They never knew where I went, they didn't leave letters or photographs or anything. Just me. I grew up in the care home with the other kids. We never went to school, and we rarely go out anywhere else. That one night I managed to escape, the carer's husband was stupid enough to leave his car parked under my second storey window - I jumped and ran. And I guess that's the night you found me..." I trail off, not wanting to say out loud why I jumped out of the window, but knowing my intentions were already pretty clear.

"I saw you jump off the bridge." Alex mutters, so quietly its almost inaudible. "I was driving past, I saw you standing on the railings. But before it fully registered in mu head what you were doing, you had jumped. I watched you fall, I couldn't move. Until I heard you hit the water and I dived out of my car and after you..."

I don't know what to say, so I stay silent. I continue to pick at the grass by my feet, tying it into knots and winding individual blades round my finger.

"Thankyou, Alex." I say eventually. I look up and he looks confused. "What for?" He asks.

"Saving me. It's not just the river you rescued me from. I grew up listening to your music, and I learned that its okay to be who I am. It's just that voices overpowered that for a while..."

"I understand." he says quietly, placing a hand on my knee and looking at the grass beneath us.

***

"Cara, please move," I say wearily, rubbing the tiredness from my eyes.

"Why should I?" she taunts, leaning against the door frame.

"Because I live here, unfortunately, and I want to go to bed." I say bluntly.

"Sure you're not gonna jump out your window again?" Cars smirks, knowing I hate to be reminded.

"Cara, just get out the way already, I'm not in the mood for your crap today." I shove past her into the hallway and run up the stairs, trying to ignore the sound of her high pitched giggle. I open the door to my bedroom and throw myself onto my bed, kicking my shoes off my feet and burying my face in my pillow.

"Hi Ever," Maisie says softly.

"Hello Maisie," I reply, words muffled by the pillow beneath ny face.

"Are you okay?" she asks. I hear her small feet pad across the carpeted room towards me. Maisie is the only other kid in the care home I get along with. She's nine years old, and is in this place for the same reason I am. She was an accident, and her parents left her. The only difference is, she got a letter.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay?" I sigh, turning over and opening my arms for a hug.

"Yes, I'm alright." she tells me, climbing onto my bed with me and wrapping her arms around my waist. "Love you," she whispers, falling asleep.

"Love you too, kid." I whisper back, kissing the top of her head and hoping to drift off to sleep as easily as Maisie.

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Hey, I'm sorry for the last chapter being so short, I thought it was longer than it actually was... Anyway, I hope this is okay, possibly another chapter up later but don't hold me to that! Ily guys, you're perfect. <3