I lay curled in a ball on the very edge of what I considered to be my side of the king sized bed. The royal blue satin sheets were freezing against my brown skin, as there was no blanket to cover my bare legs. There was only the thin cotton material of the black B2K t-shirt I wore to sleep in.
The red lights from the alarm clock that blinked an incorrect time bounced off the white wall that my eyes were fixed on.
These walls. Boy if they could talk.
I felt the bed shift and I tried my hardest to stop the sound of my breathing. I didn't want to hear his mouth about anything.
I couldn't take it.
My mind drifted to the events that had just taken place not even hours before against my will.
"It's okay, I can be petty." I heard him say overtop of the music that blared in my ears as he made his way to my side of the bed. He took my phone charger out of the socket, grabbed his MacBook that was home to my homework, and snatched the black and gray floral comforter from my body before searching the vicinity for anything else that he had paid for
He couldn't really be doing this.
My heart ached as I thought about the fact that I literally had nothing that he hadn't given to me; then it crushed at the thought of him throwing it in my face.
"Don't worry about going back to work, just stay home and take care of our son and I got you." He told me, yet here we are. Here I am, lying on the chocolate brown carpet in the middle of the room I used to consider ours, grateful that I had just vacuumed and that it gave my body at least a little bit of warmth in the cold February night. The bed that we shared, that he carelessly reminded me that he paid for, was no place for me.
He continued to spit his venomous words at me, as if my humiliation wasn't enough.
Putting my pride aside when I thought he was asleep, I crept back into the bed hoping that the dip wouldn't wake him. I felt his appearance nearing me and I mentally sighed. He was going to milk this as long as he could.
I felt his hand slide into my underwear as he slid his index and pointer over my dry folds. He pulled off my underwear as I felt him shift beside me, taking his member out to stroke. He entered a finger inside of me as he stroked himself and grunted in satisfaction while I stared at the same wall with the same light bouncing off of it.
I shut my eyes as I felt his release squirt onto my bare bottom before he chuckled. "I guess that's the only way I can get what I want, huh?" He asked rhetorically, not realizing that he was the reason for our lack of intimacy. His anger, insensitivity and disloyalty brought us here. "Dyke"
Suddenly he was really showing me his true colors, as if the many times before weren't enough. As if the bruises I held previously weren't enough. As if his constant belittling wasn't enough. As if the loss in life in myself wasn't enough.
This time was enough.
My one year old son didn't deserve to be in this toxic environment. I deserved happiness, and believe it or not, I wanted him to have happiness. My fiancé. But not on the count of me losing mine.
"Tomorrow, I'm out. I swear this time." I coached myself.
That was five years ago.
