Remenissions (Avenged Sevenfold)

Chapter 37

Lana's POV

I opened my eye's. I don't know what had woken me, some noise, but the sun was up, although I wasn't sure of the time. I'd slept well, I'd slept soundly and it was what I needed, a good nights sleep.

I wanted to turn over and see what the time was, but I didn't, I didn't want to move. Matt had his arm across my waist and I wanted to lay here for a few minutes and enjoy his closeness. I turned over slowly, gently, I didn't want to disturb him, but I wanted to look at him, while I could, while he was asleep.

He was sound asleep and as I turned over I settled his arm back around my waist, I liked it, this, laying in bed with him, being close to him. I looked at his face, he was beautiful to me, and asleep he looked so relaxed. His eye's were closed, he really was sound asleep. He had some stubble on his chin and cheeks and I reached over, gently touching it. I liked it, I liked his stubble, it suited him. I laid there, wondering what he was dreaming of. Was he dreaming of Courtney? That thought made me realise what I was doing was stupid. Here I was laying in bed, staring longingly at a man who had left his fiancé at the altar, I'm sure he had a lot on his mind and not one of his thoughts would be about me.

I sighed, rolling over, lifting his arm gently and sitting on the side of the bed. As I was about to stand up I heard a noise, the noise that had woken me and I realised it was a phone, Matt's phone. I stood up and walked quietly to his side of the bed, grabbing it, the best thing for Matt right now was sleep and he didn't need his phone waking him.

I went into the kitchen and made myself a coffee, finally glancing at the clock. It was nearly 9.30am and I was surprised that I'd slept this late, I rarely slept in, but it was probably the fact that I had Matt with me, I don't know, I just liked him with me.

I sighed, sitting on the couch and glancing at Matt's phone as it pinged again. He had so many missed calls and messages it was ridiculous, and over half of them were from Courtney. I guessed they would have to talk at some stage, maybe work out their problem and I hated that thought. If they fixed their problem and rescheduled their wedding I'd already decided I couldn't do that again, I wouldn't be in the wedding party because I just couldn't go through that pain again. God, what was I going to do if they worked it out? Fuck, it was something I didn't want to think about, I couldn't think about it, it hurt too much.

I took a mouthful of my coffee and wondered how last night had ended up for everyone else. I hadn't heard from Nick, so I guessed they'd had a good time. Nick. Now Nick was another problem. It wasn't fair to keep dating him, I'd tried to make it work, but Matt, I was in love with him and it wasn't fair on Nick if I continued to pretend I was interested.

"Hey." Matt suddenly said and I jumped, almost spilling my coffee.

"You're up." I said smiling.

"I am." He said heading into the kitchen.

I sat there listening to him in the kitchen and he reappeared, sitting on the couch with his own coffee. Damn he looked so good. The 'Just woke up' look really suited him. God, I needed to stop this.

I reached over and grabbed his phone. "Your phone has been running hot." I told him, handing it to him.

"Yeah." He said glancing at it. "I guess I should call my mom."

"Probably."

"She'd be having a fit by now." He said smiling and I nodded. She probably was having a fit. "I guess I'll do that now." And he stood up, heading into the bedroom.

I really wanted to eavesdrop on that conversation and it took every ounce of my willpower not to go to the door and listen, but it was none of my business, Matt would tell me when he was ready.

"Okay." He said, coming back out of the bedroom and sitting back on the couch. "She's happy now because she knows I'm here with you."

"That's good." I told him, smiling. "Are you going to call anybody else?"

"No." He said shaking his head. "I'm not. I told you Lana, I want a few day's, a few day's to myself, a few day's without anybody harassing me, just time to myself."

I nodded, drinking my coffee. "I can go and stay at Nick's if you like." I said softly. If he needed space, I'd give it to him.

"No." He said quickly. "No Lana, not you, I want you here with me."

"Okay." I said softly, feeling touched that he wanted my company.

"I need you here." He said, and I looked at him.

"Matt I'm your best friend." I told him, smiling, it was a false smile, but at least I was smiling. "Of course I'll be here for you, you know I'd do anything for you."

"Lana." He started, but then he stopped, placing his cup on the coffee table. "Lana, I......" And he chuckled to himself. "How do I say this?" He mumbled to himself and I looked at him, wondering what the hell he was talking about.

"Just say it Matt." I suggested and he reached out, grabbing my coffee and placing it next to his.

"Lana." He said, moving closer. "Lana, I......." And he let his voice trail off.

I was getting worried, Matt was obviously trying to tell me something and he couldn't do it. It must be bad if he couldn't bring himself to say it, very bad.

I felt my chest begin to tighten, and I was beginning to feel panic. What did he want to tell me?

"Oh for fucks sake just say it Matt." I cried, trying not to cry. I was sick of fucking crying. "Whatever it is, say it."

"Lana." He said softly. "Don't cry."

I looked at him and opened my mouth to reply, but before I could get a word out, he leant over, pressing his lips softly to mine.

I closed my eye's, enjoying it. This was what I had wanted for so long, and it felt so nice, even better than the Vegas kiss. I felt him caress my cheek softly, then slip his hand into my hair, pulling my face closer, the kiss getting deeper.

I was enjoying it, I was enjoying it so much, but I couldn't help but think and I cursed myself for my negative thoughts.

Matt was kissing me. What did it even mean?