Not the Answer

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The teacher dismissed us. It was lunchtime. 

Everyone flocked out of the classroom, chattering away with anyone and everyone, but me. I took my time putting my books into my school bag, until I realised that someone else was still here. Stood in front of my desk. I looked up anxiously, wondering who I would see. 

"I'm waiting," Jinyoung sighed.

"Uh... sorry," I whispered, zipping up my bag. 

He laughed at me. I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, and looked myself over, trying to find what he was laughing at. Or was it just me in general? I could understand that. 

"I was joking! Take your time," He smiled.

"Oh," I mumbled, becoming less tense. I swung my bag onto my back and walked out of the classroom with Jinyoung. 

The cafeteria was hectic and busy, as per usual. This is why I hated eating here. I usually sat in the yard, where at least there was fresh air. I started to breath out of my mouth, as I couldn't stand the smell of the food here. Or the taste. 

"Yo, Junior!" A guy yelled from a table.

Jinyoung was waving to his friends, and I saw Bambam hovering over them, like a cling on. I wished he would break the mould, and be a bit more like Yugyeom. 

"Who's she?" Someone asked as Jinyoung and I sat down next to each other. That question was becoming more and more familiar to me.

"She's my partner for that poster assignment thingy. She takes the same bus as us Jackson, remember?" He said confidently. Like he remembered, I thought sarcastically. 

"Oh, yeah.. righhtt," Jackson rolled his eyes. 

Thankfully they just continued their conversation as normal. Jinyoung went to get some food. "Coming?" He asked me. I shook my head with a look of disgust. 

He frowned. "Why not?"

"I never eat lunch here," 

"Didn't you catch the news? Lunch is for eating," He said. I still refused. "Suit yourself," He sighed, and left me at the table with his friends. And Bambam.

He kept looking at me. I wouldn't look at him back. There he was, sucking up to these people who claim to be his friends, rather than talking to his actual sister. It saddened me. He acted completely disinterested, like he didn't even know me. Yugyeom wouldn't have done that if he was here. 

I fumbled around in my bag for my notebook and that piece of paper I was writing on earlier. I stuffed it into my notebook, before writing on a new page. Jinyoung came back with a tray full of food. He knocked my elbow by accident when he sat down, jogging my handwriting. I exhaled deeply, and looked up at him. I also heard snickering.

"Any ideas for the poster?" He asked innocently.

"Funnily enough, no," I snarled. I didn't expect myself to do that. Neither did Jinyoung or Bambam. My brother saw the warning signs of anger, or an outburst, but so did I. I looked away quickly, cursing at myself for acting so rudely. What was he going to think of me now? Would he ask me to leave? Questions ran through my head, and my heartrate increased. 

"At least I got you talking to me," Jinyoung smiled. I faced him again, and I had to smile back. Be nice, I thought. Forget what just happened, I told myself. But it wasn't that easy. I realised my teeth were showing, and I clasped my hand over my mouth, and went to leave, before I embarrassed myself even more, but Jinyoung pulled me down by my wrist. I let out a small yelp of pain and he frowned, but let go immediately. I pulled my sleeves right over my hands to cover it up. Only Yugyeom and I knew. 

"Say 'aahhh'," He grinned, holding a forkful of some unidentifiable meat to my face. I shook my head furiously. Laughter from the others ensued, but Bambam looked nervous.

"Aw, come on! Just one bite!" He persisted, pressing the food to my lips. I stood up again, without being stopped, grabbed my bag, and jogged out. 

Why couldn't he just let me be? Like most people did? I went to the girls bathroom, and looked at my gaunt face in the mirror. I proceeded to throw up in the sink, and I cried a little. Weak, I know. Pathetic, I know. I lifted up my shirt so I could see my stomach, and it still stuck out like a sore thumb in my eyes. I sucked in, until I could see my ribcage and the edge of my pelvis. A little better. 

I sighed and went to find Yugyeom. I hoped he was outside somewhere. He would be outside somewhere. He was always there when I was looking for him. When I needed him.


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