◄ you and me ◄ carl grimes

You And Me: Not Going To Make You.

edited march 7th 2O22

I know that taking the abortion pills was for the best. I had to keep telling myself that as I sat back against the door. I was mentally kicking myself, but I put thought into it and it was what was necessary. I thought about Judith and how she'd never experience what a real childhood was like. Playing outside with your friends, riding your bikes to the end of the street and racing back. Playground and jungle gyms with your best friends on Saturday afternoons. 

I was the epitome of upset. I didn't want to get rid of this baby, but knowing half of my childhood was robbed, and all of Judith's. The dangers of what a newborn screaming baby would bring over the groups. The times we weren't able to eat or drink because we were not certain of where the next round of supplies would come from or when. That was no way to live and there was a choice.

I had just about crumpled up the box as I walked out of my bathroom, only to see Carl standing there. His eyes immediately fixated on what was in my hand. "What is that?"

"What are you doing over here?" 

"Don't change the subject." He walked over and I pushed his chest. "None of your business, I need you to leave. I don't want to be around you right now." I was then disrespected once again and Carl snagged the box from my hand. He immediately knew what I had just done and threw the box aside.

"You've got to be joking?"

"It's my fucking body, you have no right to lecture me. You lost all that right when you decided you wanted to cheat on me. So, again, you need to leave my room." I pointed to the door and he wouldn't budge. It was like speaking to a wall, he was so hardheaded. 

"You made that decision like it has nothing to do with me. That was my baby, Ella. You could take out your anger on me, but you don't do that to something so defenseless." It took everything in me not to laugh in his face. "It doesn't have anything to do with you. You and me are not together, and what I decide is best for my body, goes. I don't need to run that by you. You got me?"

"Having a baby takes two, Ella. You said it yourself, we both said it. That was my baby too. When this happens, you give up the I's for us, you don't make those kinds of decisions without talking to me." I could see tears brimming Carl's eyes. "I don't see it that way anymore. There is no more us."

"Ella, I cannot lose you again. I'm so sorry that I cheated on you with Tegan. I was a fucking idiot."

"We argue more than we love. This can't be healthy. The world is already so scary and miserable. We can't keep doing this to one another because it's not fair to either of us. I just think what's best right now is that we go our own ways, emotionally. We are in the same group and I think it should just stay that way for now." I was almost finished but I pleaded that I needed to be alone.

"I love you so much." Carl said before he walked out of my room.

I thought about it more and what I said was true. We argued more than we love, it's not like we could give each other so much space. The space we could get, we should give. Maybe Tegan was better for him right now than I was. I just couldn't be with him right now.

Carl paced over to The Howard home, and subtly knocked. Tegan opened the door and smiled. "What are you doing over here, you?" Her soft voice sounded and Carl slightly smiled. "I came to talk to you, hopefully." Tegan welcomed him inside and they both sat on the couch. "Look, Carl, I actually do want to apologize. It's been forever since I've had any other male company that was not my dad and brother. I shouldn't have kissed a somebody that was in a relationship, that wasn't right. I can't lie and say I don't like you though. If you and Ella don't work out, I would like a chance with you. I think we could be good together."