Forgetting the Murder

23: Pain

I've never given much thought as to the type of person I would fall hopelessly in love with. Although, I know if I did, a serial killer would not be on the list. And yet, I still loved him; every little part.

Unconditionally.

***

I woke up the next morning feeling groggy; my eyes were red and puffy with the crying and my head was throbbing. I had gotten little sleep last night, most of it was spent in my own tears.

I didn't get up right away as usual, I lay there, lifeless. I wished that I didn't have to move, that I could lie still forever, but even I knew that wasn't possible.

I swung my legs over the side of my bed and sat up, although way too quickly. I rubbed my aching forehead and shut my eyes tightly, waiting for the room to stand still again. When the dizziness disappeared, I stood up and made my way over to my bedroom door - I just needed to get out.

There was a part of me that longed for the truth to be a dream - or even a bigger lie in itself. The more rational part of myself told me that it was real, and there was no way I could hide it.

After I discovered the secret and drove home, I crashed onto my bed and cried. There was no other emotion that could take over, only depression. Then came the rage and fury, knowing that such a secret had been kept from me. Finally, came the pain, which never seemed to leave.

Every time I thought of him (whose name I would prefer not to use as I'm not sure which name I should use) the pain struck again. I tried hard not to think of him but that was impossible. A thought not even I could conquer.

I wallowed in self-pity the entire day, until I had an idea. I phoned Hannah and asked if we could have a girls' night out and maybe go clubbing. Hannah, being the party animal she is, agreed.

I still had loads of time to waste during the day, and the more time I spent doing nothing meant the more time I was thinking about my discovery. So, I phoned Poddy and asked him if I could go for a ride on his motorbike. Thankfully, he said yes.

I met Poddy outside my apartment block half an hour later. He was leaning against his bike puffing on a cigarette, although he threw it away when he saw me.

"Poddy!" I cried. I ran up to him and hugged him tightly, inhaling in his comfortable scent. In that short embrace I forgot about yesterday. I hadn't seen Poddy in weeks and didn't realise how much I'd missed him.

"I've missed you so much." I mumbled into his chest before pulling away.

"Is everything OK?" Poddy inquired.

I realised that if I kept acting like that it wouldn't be long until he mentioned you-know-who so I faked a smile and nodded, "Yep. Now, are we getting on this bike or not?"

Poddy chuckled before lifting me up and positioning me comfortably on his death machine. Poddy got on himself before revving the engine, bringing the beast to life.

Poddy accelerated and instantly we zoomed down the road. I didn't even feel where he started off, one minute we were standing still, the next on the road. I didn't have my helmet on as I took it off when Poddy wasn't looking - I didn't want any restrictions. The wind was rushing through my hair at high speed. I had to close my eyes to stop the speed of the wind from hurting them. My arms were wrapped tightly around Poddy's lower abdomen and I could feel his muscular chest beneath his shirt.

All my cares and worries seemed to disappear during the journey. All that was going through my mind was the wind and that I was clinging to one of my best friends. Never once did I stress about crashing - like I usually did - this time I just enjoyed the ride.