What I Need

The Jump. 2 months later /uneditted/

Let's see, maybe it was the fact that Harry had disappeared into the midst of nothingness as Louis would not explain why he left. Louis was being no help to me either, as he decided that it would be better if he wasn't associated with me. He said it'd look more 'conspicuous'. I thought that was just him expressing that if he couldn't have me, he didn't want to be around me.

I found it funny that in such a short span of time I had suddenly become just a girl. A girl that was nothing but looks and nothing but an item for guys to toss back and forth like a new football. No, not anymore. I'd do what I want. I had broken into selfishness. Why couldn't I be selfish and do whatever I wanted to? I deserved it. I deserved to live like I wanted to, especially since life was dangerous now and who knows if I'd live to see tomorrow.

Let's just say the new girl was nothing but an instigator to me. She'd lived in America her whole life too. Her life was very different. She introduced me to a whole new span of things. I found that alcohol and weed could make me feel like I was walking on air, and I was addicted to that feeling.

Zayn had finally opened up to me, coming to my room often to help me study. He knew I was letting my life fall to shit, and he didn't want to see that happen. Whether that was because my parents would make me come home if my grades were to bad, or he truly cared id never know. My parents didn't seem to talk to me much. They hadn't even visited. They were enjoying the empty nest life far too much for my liking.

Zayn was pacing around my small dorm room, trying to get me to recite my Spanish infinitives.

"What does llegar mean Anna?" He asked, getting frustrated as I was only trying to distract him more than life.

I could see him raise his fingers to his temples as I pressed play on my small music player. Zayns concern always made me laugh, it was cute. He was like a big brother and I think I annoyed him more than anything. He'd stopped flirting with me like he once did a long time ago. I guess he saw no fun in it anymore.

I giggled, throwing my arms around his neck playfully, swinging my hips and mouthing the words.

"ZayyyYyyyyynnnnn," I sang in place of the words. He clenched his book tight trying to decide whether to Pursue actually trying to get me to study more, or to give into my play and actually just cut up with me. Zayn never once gave in. Sometimes I thought someone was paying him to be here, as though a small smile would slip from him occasionally, he never seemed to really enjoy himself too much.

I sighed, resting my head lightly on his shoulder.

"Zayn, do I bore you?" I asked quietly, only half teasing.

He kept quiet, and still, not responding. I only moved closer to him. I wonder if he could smell the alcohol on my breathe. I wasn't drunk, just simply.... Buzzed.

"Zayn... You don't have to do this. I know I annoy you." I said as I played with his hair, I gave out a slight giggle at his expression. He simply raised his eyebrows.

"You know you should be this close to me. Even just teasing me like this, Harry and Louis would get mad." He said with a shake of his head, pulling away slowly, giving me a sympathetic, almost.... Almost sad smile.

"Why?" I asked quietly. Why would they even care? It's not like they were here.

"Because you're just teasing. You don't actually want to kiss me," he joked, rolling his eyes with a slight chuckle.

He reminded me of a dad. I was his small child that was constantly getting into trouble due to my innocence and curiosity. It was frustrating, to put in simple words.

"But.... What if I want to?" I challenged, not moving anything but my eyes to his.

"Don't say things like that." He replied sharply.

"What if I want to zayn? What if I've secretly wanted you to kiss me," I said with a smile, shyly retreating to turning my back to him and turning the music off.

It was a long time before anything happened. I didn't know if he didn't want to move, or if I didn't know what to do.

Then his breathe was on my neck.

I turned around.

He looked into my eyes and said, "because this would happen."

His lips crashed onto mine, and I let them.