Loving the Saints (COMPLETE)

Chapter 17

THREE MONTHS LATER...

The past few months we have all laid low in the same motel that I had stayed when I first arrived in Boston. Ironic huh?

My husbands have been very distant with me since we lost Rocco. 

I felt that with each day that passed,  I was starting to lose them too. I don't want to lose anymore people I love. It's beginning to make me feel numb to everything.

They have been spending a lot of time with their da which I understand. But sometimes they are all gone all day and I'm left at the motel with nothing to do but count the tiles on the ceiling. One day I went out one time to get something to eat for myself and when I came back they completely flipped out on me.

That night they actually made me cry and I locked them both out of our room. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. It was like everything I did was wrong and couldn't do anything right. I had nobody to talk to. I felt so alone. 

The next day I left at the crack of dawn and walked around the city all day. I didn't even come back that night or the day after. I found myself on Paul's doorstep in the early hours of the morning. He welcomed me with open arms and held me as I cried. After three days of being away from them, he made me go back and practically shoved me out of his apartment.

Apparently they had called him and asked if he'd seen me and he had told them no. He promised not to tell them where I was, which he didn't. That was the good thing about Paul. He kept your secrets. After they called him, he told me to go see them the next day.

When I finally returned, the two of them looked terrible. Their blue orbs were dull and there were dark bags under their eyes.

They apologized immediately and showered me in kisses. They might have learned their lesson but were still distant with me.

[*]

We were planning on hitting Papa Joe's trial tomorrow and giving that bastard what he finally deserves. Killing him at his own court date.

No matter what happens though, no matter what we do, Rocco will never come back. We won't ever be able to hear his voice again or his laugh. He will still no longer be able to tell us all of his jokes.

Even though he's gone, the last days we had with him, bring back some happy memories. Him flipping out at the hotel and using the word fuck over and over again. Shooting his ex girlfriends cat to smithereens from her kitchen table. Then there was the time he groped the passed out stripper at the Sin Bin.

I giggle at the memories. I had considered him one of my very best friends.

"What's so funny, love?" Murphy asks sitting beside me on the bed.

"Thinking about Rocco." I say shrugging my shoulder's.

"Why don't you tell me about it." He says, scooting up so his back is leaning against the head board. I scoot beside him and lean on his shoulder.

"I was just thinking about him feeling up that stripper at the Sin Bin." I tell him, making him chuckle.

"Aye. That was one of his best moments." He laughs.

"I miss him, Murph." I mumble quietly.

"Me too, love." He sighs and kisses the side of my head.

"I can't help but feel like I'm losing you and Connor too." I sniff as a few tears fall down my cheeks. "I don't want to lose anybody else."

"Hey." He says and moves in front of me. "We aren't goin' anywhere. You're never gettin' rid of us, lass. If you tried, we'd just come find ya'." He smirks making me smile.