Chapter Fifty Four - Deep Down

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River's POV

Trying to ignore the looks that I was attracting from the hospital staff and the fact that most of body ached, I ran through the seemingly endless corridors until I found the right elevator, the one that would lead me to the floor where I knew that they were keeping Alira.

I had fucked up. Completely and because of it, the only person I had ever met outside of my family to actually give a shit about me was tucked up in a room somewhere after being assaulted and nearly killed.

Fuck, she had almost died! That wasn't some high school bully shit. According to what I'd heard when I'd finally made it to the school, Miranda had slipped GHB into Alira's drink and waited for her to stumble out into the rain before she pushed her into the middle of the street. That fucking bitch had made sure that the amount was enough to kill her and it would have succeeded if not for one of the teachers coming outside to have a cigarette.

For once, someone hadn't failed her. The gym teacher, Mr Loyle, had most likely sacrificed his career subduing the bat shit crazy bitch, tying her to a pole with his tie and calling for an ambulance while he did what he could for Alira until help arrived.

I would owe that man until I died, which I was certain would be soon. Within minutes probably.

No matter what reasons I'd had for going, I never should have left Alira alone and I never should have taken advantage of her friendship. It was a bastard move that had probably cost me everything.

And it was the least I deserved.

My family, and Alira's, would never forgive me that and the full weight of one decision was already turning my stomach inside out.

And it had all been for nothing in the end. My night had not gone anything like I expected and that was another thing that I had to blame myself for. When I'd gotten to the agreed upon meet-up point, Camilla hadn't been there and I'd received a text message begging me to go to her motel room because she had no transport and wouldn't be able to make it otherwise.

And, of course, stupid me had agreed because I didn't think that I'd ever work up the courage again.

I had taken Alira's precious car to the motel and walked in there with my eyes wide open.

I snorted as I restlessly waited for the elevator doors to shut. Like that had been any help!

Grimacing at the sight I made in the mirrored walls, I tried to straighten my ripped shirt and wipe away some of the blood on my face.

My body hurt but it was nothing compared to the pain in my heart. Feeling as though I was that naïve little boy again, I tried to push away what Camilla's little confession had done to me.

All that mattered was making sure that Alira was ok.

Striding down a corridor once more, I was able to locate the room fairly easy as a number of guys in familiar black suits stood stationed around, their eyes blank as they watched me walk up.

"River," One nodded, his name forgotten even though I knew that he had been amongst the group to protect her father when he had made his visit to the school. "You're arrival is probably not going to be well received."

I drew in a breath, not allowing the pain to show as I strained my bruised ribs, "Yeah, I know but I have to make sure that she's ok."

"She nearly died," Another bit out, his dark eyes flashing at me. Honestly, after hanging with my brother and the other UFC fighters, I didn't think that anyone could intimidate me but this guy proved me wrong. Thorn, I think Alira had called him, was definitely not someone I wanted to meet in a dark alley unless I was wearing a diaper and had spares close by.

I felt myself pale even more, "But she's..." I had to clear my throat, "Is she..."

He grunted, "She pulled through and they're just waiting for her to wake up to see what the full effects are. Are you going in?"

Even knowing that it was probably the last thing that I should do, I still nodded and thanked them quietly as I stepped into the almost VIP hospital room.

The quiet beeping of a heart monitor drew my gaze even as Heath and Alira's parents all turn to face me.

Everything I had never wanted to see directed at me from them is in their eyes – anger, disappointment, sadness, disgust.

A moan of pain was nearly ripped from my chest as I looked at the bed, Alira's small body shrouded in blankets and a breathing mask obscuring her face.

The sound of Heath's roar nearly had me shitting my pants but all I had time for was an instinctive step backwards before his fist came flying at my face.

They sometimes say that during a moment where you recognise death looming your entire life flashes before your eyes but I didn't see that even though I recognised the possibility that there might not be enough of left over to bury once my big brother was through.

All I could see was a vision of Alira broken and begging me for help while Camilla's cruel laugh rang in my ears.

... ...

Darkness receded slowly as I feel every inch of my body ache, the raw agony in my face making me want to let out a sob but I held it in, aware that I wasn't lying on the cold hospital ground anymore. I remembered Heath charging at me but that was it. Hell, I wasn't even sure what damage he had been able to do.

All I knew was that if somebody hadn't intervened, he would have gladly killed me even as I lay defenceless and unconscious on the ground.

I wasn't even entirely sure if I was grateful to be alive.

I sounded like a whiney little bitch but I was simply tired.

Tired of being a fuck up and letting everyone who mattered down. Tired of being the weight that dragged everyone down and tired of having to face what I had allowed myself to become.

There it was! The truth. I was going to turn eighteen in a week and I was so fucking caught up in a depression that I really just wanted to let go. Hope that the next life would make me stronger.

When talking about emotions like hopelessness, most guys thought that it was strictly a girl's problem but my rehab councillor had damn near beaten it into me that there was nothing wrong with feeling those types of things. The danger came when a person gave into them and stopped fighting.

I was on the cusp of that. Putting my fists down and just letting that monster have me.

I wasn't closed off enough to think that no one would care. It would fucking kill my parents but how long could I live for them when living for myself meant nothing. I just wanted it to stop and I wanted to be able to look myself in the mirror without having to practice a smile, a laugh.

God, spending time with Alira and seeing how much she had twisted my stoic big brother around her finger had brought me some happiness, enough that I had begun to hope that maybe things were going to get easier but then Camilla had called. One conversation with her and I realised that I hadn't gotten anywhere.

Sure, I didn't think of her romantically anymore but for some fucked up reason she still held the biggest part of me in her hands. Or the memory of her did. It wasn't the sex or the drugs that I remembered. It was the knowledge that she had stripped me of every piece of my innocence without leaving me a god damn way out. To find her riding one of Heath's circuit buddies had cut me off at the knees.

Not because I had loved her but because I hadn't and yet every damn day I thought about her. She had left me in so many fucking pieces and I just wanted to know why.

Why was I like this? Why was I so fucking weak, so pathetic? And why the fuck did I keep giving her the power to take away everything that gave me some semblance of happiness?



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