If You Want Me Too, I Will (Beatle Fan Fiction)

Chapter 18

* Dedicated to SuperStarrRingo for the wonderful one shot she wrote for me! *

Chapter 18

I sat in his tub with my arms around my legs and them against my chest. I could say that that was the first time I was naked in someone else's house, but that is not what is important about that moment. I was cold, and disgusting, so I took a bath.

I had to help him walk for a while, when we were trying to get back, but eventually, he was able to walk on his own. We were very slow getting home, with wet foot prints and dragging clothes. He didn't say much to me, and I didn't say much back. We were just trying to get back home. People stared at us, with raised eyebrows, but didn't bother questioning what happened. Thankfully no one I knew, and probably no one Richard knew saw us.

His mother was happy to see me again, but surprised to see me soaked in water, to see both of us soaked. We weren't away for too long anyway, maybe an hour or so, so she joked about that. I wasn't in the mood for jokes. Richard wasn't really invested in the jokes either, he was much more worried about me.

It was awkward to have to be in front of his family all disgusting and, well, wet. Richard really did all the talking for me, convincing them to let me stay easily. I got into the bathroom, and he said he would be waiting patiently, and to take as long as I needed.

Thoughtful enough.

So I got in the tub, with warm water and my nakedness, and sat. I was too embarrassed to use any of their products and just sat in the water. I kept my eye on the door. It was locked but I still feared someone would bust through and see me.

I never thought of myself as beautiful, and I really don't like to see myself naked. All I see is my fat and my blemishes and the small little things that makes me feel as if I am the worst thing to be living. I don't understand why I have to be this way, and I wish I could just accept myself this way.

I tried not to think about myself like this so much. I try to forget about it, forget about the fat that I wore and that hurt me. I feared that Richard saw it too, and he thought something horrible about me, even if that isn't quite true.

Never have I thought of myself as something beautiful, all I had was my emotionlessness and glasses. And my knowledge too. Look at the ugliness. Yet one has a feeling within one that blinds a man while he loves you.

Not only was I embarrassed about my body, but the water as well.

I was frightened at my thoughts in the water. That I wanted for a moment to just drift off and horribly die. It would solve my problems, but I wondered what Richard would have thought if I just drowned right there, at that moment. It caused my hands to shake in some kind of real terror. I really wondered if my mother would even care.

He jumped into the water for me though, unless he fell into the water, but I assume he jumped in after me. I have fallen in my life before and no one has helped me back up, except for him. I could see him falling and landing into the water, looking for me, and worrying about me more than himself.

That made me feel slightly better. I don't know if I would jump into the water for him. I doubt I would, but I would try to help him, just from far away. But he didn't.

I remember seeing his face in the water. His eyes were large, blue and scared. I had never seen anyone so scared, and it surprised me in the bath. I realized what he felt, to some extent, and that it was for me. But I just couldn't do that in return for him, I couldn't. It was impossible for me. I had gone so long without feeling, I couldn't start feeling now. It hurt too much.

I didn't want to waste my night in the tub, but I didn't have any clothes, and I didn't really know what to do. I stood up and drained the water from the tub, looking though the cabinets and finding a towel that smelled alright enough to use. Quickly, I dried my hair up so it woudn't drip, and wrapped it around my body, covering everything the best I could.