One Life

22.

After hanging up the phone call with Murr, Sal came back into the room. He had gotten two containers of soup, which he knew was my favorite. The question, however, was what type of soup he got for me.

"Alright, chicken noodle soup for two," Sal said, placing the little container of soup in front of me. "One with the chicken in it, one without the chicken in it, just how my pretty girl likes it."

I smiled to myself as he took the container tops off and got out a spoon for me. "You know me way too well," I giggled, leaning into him.

Sal shrugged with a smile, not really saying anything. He just kissed me on the cheek as he began eating. I started eating right after he did, but kind of hesitated. I didn't want to drop anything on me, and with the stupid IV, eating was even more difficult. Not wanting to disturb Sal while he ate, I gently placed the hand with the IV in it around the container and ate with my free hand. I could hear Sal slurping his soup like he normally did, which I usually found annoying, but for some reason, today I didn't find too annoying. Maybe it was because I was a nervous wreck with the news I got, or maybe it was because I just wasn't feeling well and wanted something to make me feel more like myself.

As I kept eating my soup, I couldn't help but think about what Veronica told me, about how I would need the operation sooner than later. I also thought about what Murr told me, about how I had to ask the doctors if it could be held off for a little bit, at least for the week the guys would be away. Sal being the nervous train wreck he is didn't help me either. Yes, he wanted to be there for me, and yes, I could technically ask the doctors if I could push out my operation like Murr said, but what if I couldn't? What if I needed the surgery first thing tomorrow morning and it couldn't wait? What if the surgery is set for the day that Sal and the other guys leave and it can't be pushed out or else I'll die?

Alright, maybe I was being a tad bit over dramatic, but these thoughts were the only thing in my head at the moment. Luckily, Sal interrupted my thoughts just at the right time.

"So what do you think of the whole surgery thing?" Sal asked me, wiping his mouth.

"Uh, I mean, I guess it has to happen."

This wasn't exactly my ideal way of him interrupting my thoughts, but at least we were talking and I could focus on the adorable way Sal spoke instead of just fully concentrating on the actual matter at hand.

Sal just nodded and continued to eat his soup. To keep my thoughts from getting the best of me, I asked him the same question he asked me. It took him a minute, but he did answer me.

"I gotta confess," Sal began, "I'm nervous as hell about this, and it's not even happening to me. I don't want you to go when I go, because I want to be by your side when you go into the surgery and also when you get out. This whole surgery thing sometimes keeps me up at night, just knowing that it will happen one day. And now that that nurse told you that it has to happen sooner than later definitely has me freaking out. I have, um, a tour to go on next week.."

I nodded my head as I turned to him. "Murr told me about it. Why didn't you tell me about it?"

Sal took a deep breath before speaking again. "I didn't want to tell you because.."

I turned to him as I stared up into his eyes.

"Because I didn't want you to think I was leaving you again," he finally confessed.

I waited for him to speak again since I knew he wanted to speak whenever he left his mouth open then closed it, just to open it again.

"Mickey, I know you always have issues when I leave for tour," Sal said after a minute. "You always think I'm gonna go on tour and leave you and find someone else, or you blame your medical issues on why you think I'm gonna leave you, even though I've told you a thousand times that I would never even think about it."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"And I didn't want you to increase your thoughts on your medical issues being the reason why I leave, which is why I didn't tell you about the tour.."

I slammed the spoon down on the table, very annoyed at him.

"First of all, Sal, I don't get upset that you leave for tour. Yeah, the insecurities I have of you leaving me are always in mind, but they're in my mind twenty four seven. You going on tour is only a small part of that. You could go walking down the streets and meet a pretty girl and dump me right then and there. Second of all, I get upset for you leaving for tour mainly because I miss you. The distance kills me, and I know it kills you too. I know you're insecure about me leaving you also, but I'm not a hot shot reality TV star who also happens to be a very funny comedian, and also a very good looking thirty eight year old man. I'm just a regular person who just so happened to get lucky to have the celebrity crush fall for her. Yeah, my medical issues are also an insecurity I have because I know they can be a pain in the ass, and I know sometimes I have to ask you to take me to doctor appointments because we only have one car. Don't you twist my words around, Sal. I wouldn't do that to you, so why are you doing that to me?"

Sal stayed quiet as I struggled to stand up and get my slippers on. I was so annoyed at him that I didn't know what to do. I've never had a real argument with him before. I've had playful arguments with him such as "I love you" arguments, but they don't count. Usually Sal and I agree on everything, so this was definitely strange for me.

After standing around for a minute, I decided to take a walk around the hospital floor. I had no restrictions, and I could just tell the nurse where I was on my way out of my room. As I started heading out, I turned back to see Sal just stare at his hands. He would normally ask me where I was going because he was scared for me and didn't want me to get hurt, and he would usually go with me, but not this time. It almost hurt me that he didn't ask or come with me, but at the same time, my frustration towards him took over me. I headed out of my room and left Sal all by himself with the now cold soup.