One Life

23.

After telling the head nurse at the nurses' station that I was going for a walk, I headed off to the family lounge. The family lounge was a nice, quiet place that usually had soft, quiet music playing in the background. It also had a three vending machines: one for snacks like chips and cookies and candies, another for beverages, and the last one was for ice cream. The room had three high tables with chairs and then five short tables with couch chairs next to them. There was also a microwave and a fridge in the lounge, but the fridge was restricted to nurses and staff only.

When I entered the lounge, I decided to get myself a snack first. I went to the vending machine with the chips first and got my wallet out. Looking at all the options, it took me a few minutes to officially decide what I wanted. I knew I could always come back with more money any time of the day time, but I always had an issue with picking what I wanted from the vending machine. After a moment, I chose a bag of cool ranch Doritos. I guess it was my lucky day because someone had left a bag of unopened M&Ms in the machine also, so I took that also since no one else was around in the lounge.

After sitting down with my snacks at a table, I looked out the dirty windows of the lounge room and stared at the rain while I ate. I didn't know what I was feeling, but I definitely didn't want to see Sal at the moment. How could he not tell me about the tour? How could he just go on in his life and keep that a secret from me? I told him everything all the time we were together, and I thought he told me everything too.  I guess I was wrong.

As I finished up my snack, I was still trying to figure out why he wouldn't tell me. I was even trying to see it from his eyes and tried to think of ways why he wouldn't tell me, like maybe if it wasn't a safe place he was going to and didn't want me to worry about him.

Nothing. Nothing was coming to me that would make me understand him.

He knew that no matter where he went, even if it was the safest place on earth, that I worried about him. When he went to another country, I worried. When he went up on the high wire for the one-hundreth episode punishment, I worried. Hell, I even worried about him when he had to go through that stupid haunted corn maze. He knew I worried about him twenty-four seven, so even if he was going somewhere dangerous or somewhere completely safe, I would worry no matter what.

Frustrated with everything, I got up and threw my trash out. I got myself a bottle of water before I left, since I knew I had horrible hydration issues. As I was waiting for my bottle of water to come down, I heard the lounge door open quietly. I didn't think much of it at the moment, until I looked up and saw Sal standing there before me.

"What do you want?"

Sal looked down at his feet and kicked at a crumb on the floor. He looked up at me after a minute and sighed.

"Mickey, look, I'm sorry," he said after a minute. "I- I was going to tell you as soon as I found out, but then you had your first fall and the tour was the last thing on my mind. I'm telling you the truth."

I stared at him for a second before sitting down to listen. Sal came over to where I was sitting and sat down next to me.

"Once you were placed in the hospital, I definitely was not about to tell you about the tour. I was focused on you and only you, like I always am when it comes to your medical issues. You always come first, and you know this. After you were released from the hospital the first time, I was prepared to tell you, but I was just so happy that you were able to come out and I just wanted to spend every moment with you and making you happy. When we went to see Joe, I knew I had to tell you then, so I planned to tell you on the way back home from his place, but that's when you collapsed again and.. here we are."

I was now the one who was looking down at my feet.

"So why didn't Joe or Q or Murr tell me?" I asked him quickly, looking up at him.

Sal ran his fingers through his hair before answering again. "I asked them not to tell you," he answered. "Because I wanted to tell you myself. But.. maybe they should've told you, because they sure wouldn't have kept you waiting this long."

I looked up at Sal and turned to him. "You should've told me anyway, Sal. We're supposed to tell each other everything, and you know this."

Sal nodded and kept quiet as I spoke.

"If you were going to go on tour, even with my medical stuff going on, I would've rather have known than find out like this. I would rather you be straight up with me."

Sal scooted over closer to me and placed his hand on top of mine. "You don't understand how much I wanted to tell you," he said. "I didn't mean to keep it from you, Mickey, I swear. I didn't plan this, and this is what I wanted to avoid from the beginning. That's why I planned on telling you after seeing Joe, but like I said, you fell, and I panicked and worried about you before me. Please, Mickey, please forgive me for not telling you the truth. I'm sorry. You know I wouldn't keep things from you on purpose."

I nodded my head after a minute and nodded. "Okay, Sal. I forgive you."

Sal leaned over to me and gave me a long kiss on the forehead.

"I love you, Mickey," he said quietly. I looked up at him and gave him a kiss before smiling.

"I love you too, Sal."