Stained {Nemi}

Chapter Twelve

Demi

Chewing on my lip and avoiding Nick's harsh gaze is becoming more and more exhausting. I mean, I knew this day would come, but I wasn't expecting it so soon. Yeah, six years still isn't enough. All those endless nights dreaming of the day I'll be able to look him in his face and tell him I'm sorry, much like right now, but without being scared of his reaction.

Would he forgive me? Would he understand?

Indeed six isn't enough.

But there was good, at least a little of it. Nick didn't take advantage of me while I wasn't with a sober mind. My loud thoughts giving away my guilt of actually wanting that to happen only made me coward away and hold my head down in shame. What kind of grown woman am I suppose to be if I keep running away from things that terrify me. Terrifying me to the core. When will I ever take a stand and face certain things head on?

Looking up at his matured face I found my answer. It's useless in constantly running away from him anyway. Nick is determined, which is what drove me to him and also made me canter away. If my alibi isn't good I just know Nick will write me off. Especially when he find out of my darkest secrets yet. Gasping for air my mouth quickly became dry and my eyes stung. I can't do this. Not right now. I'm not strong enough, at least not yet.

Immediately I rose from the table with my bag dropping over my shoulder and my cremé colored flats racing against the pavement. It was becoming hard to breathe and see at the same time. Like my lungs were wrapping themselves around my heart, becoming tighter and tighter. This isn't being a woman. Running away once again is really showing Nick how cowardly I am.

At that exact moment familiar hands grabbed my waist, pulling me into his chisel chest. Not wanting to cause a scene I let him hold onto me, dragging me to the side of Ruths. More than so this is the most at home feeling I've felt since returning. His hot breath lingering in the crock of my neck as my body shivered all over in the middle of May.

Inhaling his cologne I told myself that he can't see me broken. Not again. Placing my hands on top of his I was about to unclamp our bodies apart, but got interrupted.

"Just..." Nick breathed into my neck, his hands coming together at the lower part of my stomach. Pushing my body more and more into him. His face resting against mine while we stood in complete silence. Me letting him hold me and enjoying the feel of his body on mine.

God, this is so wrong.

What I'm scared of the most is the truth that is to come. I would rather lie to Nick and tell him that I stopped loving him. That I don't regret leaving without saying goodbye if it was only to him. To be able to look him in the face and tell him I'm ok. But the longer he held onto me and I bash in the glory of his arms, the faster old feelings surfaced.

It took everything in me to finally remove his arms and stand away. Feeling the raft of his brown eyes storming in the back of my head. Turning to face him, Nick eyes were so intense. Held so much passion I choked up on my own words.

Have I really bruised his heart that bad? I, once the love of his life, now emitted this stare before me. My Nicholas filled with so much hatred and it all being my fault.

"Nick, I'm sorry it was never to hurt you. Believe me, I got the worst end of my decision," I blurted out of guilt. My hands were now making messy trails through my hair while everything came out of me like word vomit. "I messed up so bad. I'm honestly scared to tell you."

"Quit the bullshit, Demi!" Nick angrily shouted. "You're trying to play the victim here and its not gonna work, not with me and definitely not today. No, I refuse to show empathy for you after what has happened,"

Nick was now in my face again, from his neck and up was red. He had lost his cool and again I'm still to blame for his heated tension. All I want now is for him to forgive me so I can move on and hope for peace within myself.

I massaged my temples as I took a step back. "What do I have to do to get you to understand that I'm sorry so we can both move on with our lives, Nick? You can't keep harboring old feelings forever. They have to go away eventually." I explain with desperation in my tone.

If I had hurt him with my words or angered him more, he refused to let it show. There was nothing that I could point out that was crossing his face at this moment. Not any signs of relief or grief. I couldn't read him. All he was now is a blank statue waiting to be painted on.

When he took a slow and steady step forward, I took one deathly step backwards, my body landing on the bricks of the department store next to Ruth's. The small alley limiting us much body space, but Nick continued his taunting steps forward until we were nose to nose.

"Closure, Demetria." He replied coldly while using my full name.

His brown eyes revealing things I haven't witnessed in a years, literally. Exactly what kind of closure is he hinting at?

"Give me my closure and I'll let you move on without the burden of worrying if I'm still hung over of what we use to be."

My face now smothered with his minty breath while his arms pinned themselves above my head. My heart was already beating at a rapid pace, what is this guy trying to do? Give me a heart attack? Mostly, why did his words hurt so much? I flinched at 'what we use to be'.

Did he still think about us? Wow. What a dumb question, even I still remember. I couldn't kid anybody, I too, was in love with us. In love with Nick and the ground that he walked upon. I know, I know. How could one that's so in love just up and leave like a thief in the night. To wonder if she's broken the heart of her first love, but still move ahead with her life and not one glance backwards. I stood more confused than I've ever been in life.

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This week IS SO EXCITING!!!!!! LML! :DDD