Unseen

-35-

          It gets easier and more comfortable to be with James. It stops being awkward in the sense it is already normal we are together. When we are at his place, just the two of us, it's so easy to forget we are a ghost girl and a human boy, because nothing reminds us of that. Maybe when he starts to get too cold but then he just wraps himself in more layers and he even puts some on me. It turns out it works for as long as he's watching me. The moment he leaves the room or I do that, the clothes I'm wearing fall to the ground and I'm back with only my usual outfit. If I focus a bit more I can keep them, but I get too tired. So we leave wearing three hoodies each for when we cuddle together.

James had a collection of hoodies, by the way.

I notice the severity of the situation when he's taking a shower and I'm helping him by leaving the clothes he'll change in on top of his bed. It's just to do something in the meantime. I had taken a peek inside his wardrobe before but never paid attention to it.

It turns out James has a few pair of trousers and shorts, quite a few tees and like three times that amount in hoodies. Different colours, designs and styles. He has one particular hoodie two time times! I think that's his favourite one. Some have bands he enjoys, some have illustrations or cartoons, but most of them are plain. It's impressive. I wouldn't be lying if I say he has like fifty hoodies.

So it's not an issue for him to wear three of those at the same time and hand me other three for me. It's funny, I always laugh because we look like astronauts. I like messing around too, pretending to be one and such. But the outcome is always the same.

"Come here," James says, opening his arms for me and I just jump on to his lap, cuddling up to him like a little puppy. Or an adult St. Bernard that hasn't realised it stopped being a puppy and is suffocating its owner. I think in size we are about the same.

James gives me so many happy feelings and even if he seems serious and taciturn outside and to everyone else, he is very cheerful and loves laughing. He enjoys my humour and outbursts of nonsensical sentences. When we are together he's always smiling and I don't even need to feel his emotions to know it's like that. And maybe he can give some of that happiness to me, too, because I don't feel that heavy. When I'm in his arms it seems like everything is okay, there are no worries. When I'm with him it isn't hard to let go of all that is choking me. When I'm with him, I can actually believe I can let go and forgive the bullies that drove me to the edge, but that's only when I'm in his arms. The moment I'm alone, like when he's sleeping and I have nothing to do, all those dark feelings come rushing back, making me sink in despair and agony.

One Saturday morning James wakes up with that expression that says he's got an idea. He smiles widely and excitedly, and I mirror his expression.

"What are you planning? Are we gonna go play and scare people on the streets?" I guess, getting excited. I clap my hands when I think of something better. "No! We're going pretend to be superheroes and help fight crime. If that's the case, I can't wear my underwear on top of my dress and I strongly oppose to you wearing your on top of your trousers. Like hell to the no!"

James loses his smile and I think he's just precessing all the incoherence I've said. Three seconds later he bursts out laughing, probably picturing what I suggested. It is quite a sight, if you ask me.

"No, we are not doing that. We're gonna get Clyde," he explains and now I'm the confused one.

"Clyde as in our son Clyde?" I ask, remembering one of the rumours the kids have spread in college. "Are we getting one of those like animated dolls they use for health classes in movies?"

James chuckles again before walking up to me and grabbing my face in his hands, squishing my cheeks. "Nope. We'll get a lovely, cuddly kitty that we'll name Clyde. He'll make you company when I'm sleeping and I can actually say Clyde exists. I bet you'll enjoy the kids' reactions."