Unseen

-22-

I'm not surprised when we walk in silence. After all, if he just goes talking to himself in public he'd just get weird looks from the people passing by, but I still wish it wasn't like that. If I can't get distracted then my mind goes back to the few discoveries we've made today and the cumulus of emotions makes me feel disorientated. I'm used to the sorrow and loneliness, to the angst that preys on my mind, the worry and even that bit of resentment. But today every emotion has grown exponentially and I'm left raw. I feel that if James touched me, or anyone else, they would get knocked out because it's all so chaotic and destructive.

There's rage, so much rage that I don't even know what to do with it. All that resentment I felt before has evolved into murderous rage and it's not just because it's unfair I'm like this, it's because I'm like this after someone pushed me, someone drove me to this state. If those people had left me alone I'd still be alive. I'd be thirty-two years old and probably with a family on my own, with both my parents together. I'd be able to actually have a life. But that was taken from me.

Whether it was an accident or deliberate, someone pushed me until I fell off the cliff.

I'm not sure what exactly happen but I know it, I feel it. I know what I saw the moment I touched the urn were my last memories. That was the last thing I lived and it was horrible. I still can't remember the exact moment of my death but it was that same day, after what I saw. That was the day I died and my last memories were of fear, panic and so much pain.

No wonder why as a ghost I repressed those memories. It would've been even harder to exist having to carry the weight of those reminiscences with me. Having to go through fifteen years knowing I died like that would've probably driven me insane and I don't want to even think what I could've done. I'm invisible, I'm capable of hurting people without them even able to see me. I could've driven people to worse fates than mine.

I guess not remembering was my mind's way to protect not only me but everyone around. Grief and hatred make people do crazy things, and the more power you have, the more dangerous you become.

And now I remember, not fully yet but I know I need retribution. I need to make the people that did this to me pay. Someone who has done something this cruel to anyone needs to pay, they can't just go around, living their lives as if nothing has happened, as if they haven't destroyed lives. Even if they wrote apologies on my desk afterwards, they still took my life in their hands and squeezed it out of me.

They need to pay.

"Revenge," I mutter and James stops cold on his tracks.

"Pardon?" he speaks, his eyes fixed on me, a confused expression adorning his features.

"Revenge. That is my unfinished business, James. It's so obvious. For myself, for my Mum. Those people... the ones that locked me in the closet, they are my executers. They took me away from my family and caused all this pain to my mum. I'm like this because of them," I explain.

I can't actually focus on him, I feel my eyes are wild and lost. My hands are shaking and I probably look as insane as I feel. But I've been stuck for fifteen years, my mum has been mourning for the same time and my family broke in the year two thousand. I have the right to be insane.

"I need retribution. I need to make them pay for what they did, James. Only that would leave me at ease, don't you see? Only then I'll be able to cross over. I need to avenge myself and my family," I keep explaining. "I had repressed that memory but now that I know, I have to do something about it."

"Paige," he calls and his voice calling my name manages to make me focus a little bit, enough to see him and even notice the people walking by and giving him weird looks. He doesn't seem to mind, though. "I'm not sure that's correct, considering you're not even sure that's how you died. It could've been later that day, an accident. I doubt you died in a closet and if it was like that, I doubt college would be the place it is today."